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Question: "Why is monogamy useful after the nuclear family has disintegrated!?" !?
I comprehend and accept the contractual necessities of child bearing and raising to maturity, and the necessity for a stable environment!.
However, given the disparity of highly individualized personal growth, intellectual development, emotional fading and bleaching from normal wear and tear over time, the question remains!.
Love changes over time, does it not!? "Familiarity breeds contempt!?"
Why then, are we expected to avoid contact with members of the opposite sex, when we live a life of quiet, lonely, desperation, with someone who acknowledges our existence, but does little more!?
I hear "divorce", but to what end!? Financial and abandonment issues leave both individuals sometimes floundering in a strange new world!.
Why does society, religion, and our culture look upon monogamy with such interest, and gravity, beyond the dispersion of the nuclear family into its inevitable splinter groups!?
Thoughts, pro or con!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
!.
Was married for 23 yrs!. Now percefully divorced 5 yrs!.
Took me some time after divorce to find my own "self" again!. Valuing others as well as myself!. Did I "flounder in a stange new world" for awhile after divorce !? Oh my yes, yet I eventually found my place of natural ease, sense of who and where my place is in these moments of Now!. I've transitioned to awarenss to simply Be!. I've removed all "labels" that society tries to tag on you!. I'm simply me!.
The "monogamy" thing !? When that "right" one is discovered!. Have no desire to share what he and I are about with any others!. Why !? To celebrate what is "gifted" and shared with each other!.!.!.not for just anyone to embrace, talk warmly to!.!.!.it's a "gift" thats only desired to share with that one dear to your soul!. For the one!.!.!.not the many!. Many know how to hug the body, yet rare to find that one who knows how to hug and whisper to your soul!. Thus!.!.!.monogamy!.
"Why has the nuclear family disintergrated"!? Foundation of valuing self and others!. Celebrating "gifts" of who you are to each other!. Respect, compassion, courage, authentic Love, awareness of the "journey" together, awareness that there's RESPONSIBILITY to love!. Just some reasons why society, not just families, marriages, have disintegrated!.
Your comment about "Why does society, religion, culture !. !. !." I've personally come to place in my life that while I do still very much care and value how I relate to and with "society"!.!.!.That I first and foremost have focus on what I'm about personally and my connection with the One Light (God)!. What one does to self effects many!. We are individual, yet still in all!.!.!.we are all One!.
I'm non-denominational, keep awareness that I'm a soul / spirit first and foremost that happens to be this age, of this gender, appearance, etc!.
Point I'm making is !.!.!. Simply Be!. Live in the now!. Focus on wisdom not so much time, years !. !. !.
Better to be divorced and whole again then be part of couple that does not celebrate their union!.!.!.two that are simply existing!. Lonliness can still be felt when with other(s)!. Discover richness of self first!.!.!.the rest reveals out from there!.
I keep more focus to the Truth of "voice" within!. Focus to things of "man", society, what people think !. !. !.People can think what they will, that does'nt make it true or right!.
Some may live alone, that does'nt mean their lonely!. Value of self and others, connecting to life, people, experiences!. Grow in wisdom, insight, wonder !. !. !. Enriching to share life with that special "one"!.!.!.yet if that does'nt happen!.!.!.life is still celebrated!.!.!.glitches and all!.
Unhappy experiences happen, yet still am happy!. Life events happen to me, yet those experiences are not who I am!. Wisdom gained through those experiences, that's the enrichment!.!.!.the growth!.
Pros!.!.!.cons!.!.!.!? I think more in the lines of does it feel Right !? Does it resonate a truth !?
Valuable movie rent and watch !. !. !. "Peaceful Warrior"!.
All things come into sight and reveal in their own time!. Honor the journey and all "gifts" of lessons placed on ones path!.
Peace to you!.
!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Because its so wonderful!Www@QuestionHome@Com
"The nuclear family has disintegrated!."
"Familiarity breeds contempt!."
"Love changes over time!."
Speak for yourself, my friend!. :)
And I do not relying on praying to hope for anything on your behalf!. You can come to terms on your own, I'm sure!.
Edit: Your supplement makes a clearer effort!. Allow me to make my response clearer as well!.
When one is able to find the permenant standard to hold himself against, one has the potential to maintain consistancy, happiness included!. This much makes it good enough to fly solo!.
With that as the foundation, then, it is possible for one to find the partner with equal conviction!. If and when that happens, you'll simply be thankful!. When you couldn't bear the idea of it being not exclusive, and that feeling is reciprocated, you willingly enter the contract of monogamy!.
Other than monogamy, one can choose polygamy or celibacy!. But do they address the supplimented issue of loneliness!? That is another question, with arguments yet made, pro or con!.
I personally don't find religions very persuasive, nor the social codes, for anything we should or should not do!. I find my wife worthy of my conviction, however!. Your experience may vary!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Affairs outside of the marriage could raise the contempt level to where you want it to go, to divorce which it only looks to be nearby on the other side of some issues of fear, abandonment and finances!.
You ask if contempt is inevitible, but already assume it is!. This attitude will certainly take you to where you are!.
The world and our family is a mirror for us!. As your contempt for others rises, it can take some experiences to realize our self contempt has risen with it!. Having an affair will not correct this, only truth will!. You have taken an important step in uncovering this truth, asking here!. I pray that you will take further steps to love yourself and others!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
First of all "familiarity breeds contempt" is not philosophy!. It's a cliche observation!.
But to answer your other question!. Age fades and bleaches us!. It's a heck of a whole lot easier to be an idealistic twenty year old without a care in the world, than it is to be 47 and have a mortgage!. Losing our "color" is not the result of the the union of two people who vow to love eachother!. If anything, that agreement gives us color!.
I hate to tell you this, but you lose a little bit of yourself when you work for the man, or get caught up in the hussle and bussle the routine, or even get all overwhelmed!. Life's reality jades us!.Don't blame the marriage relationship!.
Maybe this "perspective" you are taking, is because you think marriage is about "mating" and not about loving another!. It's sort of hard to continue feeling something you never felt at all!.
I am the first to admit that keeping "love alive" takes work given all the other responsiblities of the world we live in!. But don't blame marriage for the loss of self!. Blame the hormones, blame the routine, blame the financial woes!. Blame no longer living in a dorm room having someone else clean your toilets and make your food!.
Spouses are not the issue, it's just that we tend to blame those who are closest to us!. Www@QuestionHome@Com