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Position:Home>Philosophy> Broken Hearted, no judgment please?Question: Broken Hearted, no judgment please!? I fell in love recently with a guy that came across so sweet and kind and sincere!. I found out he had a drinking problem,and came home with make up on his collar (not mine) I thought he loved me!. I feel so stupid and used!. I know I am better off with out him etc!., but it still hurts!. He will be another persons problem but in the mean time why does it hurt so bad!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I am really sorry to hear you've been so hurt!. This man really isn't worth all your pain though!. He is the one with the problem, and that is not your responsibility to have known that!. It's sad that you feel "so stupid and used" !.!.!. you were NOT stupid, you did what we all do, believed the sweet and kind facade he presented to you!. You were honest, and had expectations that he would be the same, and so you trusted him!. He wasn't worthy of your trust!. The alcohol abuse is partly responsible for his lack of judgement, but there are underlying personality flaws too for him to cheat on you and deceive you about his true nature!. It hurts because you miss him, or at least the man you believed him to be!. It hurts because you wonder whether it's some reflection upon you that you hadn't accurately discerned what type of a man he was!. And it hurts because you've had to face the fact that it's the end of a dream - reality has hit you, harshly, and although you realise rationally that you're better off without him, there's still the emotional core of you that will inevitably feel a little wistful about what might have been!. You do need to stay strong, keep away from him so he can't lure you back with empty promises, and immerse yourself in a few happy distractions for awhile to speed the healing!. Keep yourself busy, and especially in the company of good friends, as much as possible!. I sincerely hope your hurt soon eases!. Time does help; and it won't always feel like this! Honestly !.!.!. you'll look back one day and feel no emotion about it whatsoever, just a rational understanding that it was a relationship that didn't work because the man had too many flaws!.Www@QuestionHome@Com First of all, in the beginning they are all usually sweet and kind, how do you think we women get roped in!. That is why you need to take things slowly, get to know them, their habits, their behavior!. I lived with an abusive drunk for years, get over him, he'll just hurt you over and over!. Mine did!. I finally left him, and have met someone new!. I Never want him back for all the verbal abuse I took for 13 years!. All the empty promises, he'd get help, he'd quit drinking!. Don't get involved any farther, it just hurts worse!. It just leaves you feeling more empty, just like all his promises!.Www@QuestionHome@Com There is an old bhuddist saying that goes something like this, refrain from hope because it only leads to pain!. You are hurt because you put your hopes and dreams and happiness into another person when you are the only person in the world who can actually make you happy!. Only you can fulfill your dreams!. Place any hope you may have in your own abilities and then if you should meet a really nice guy in the future you can share your life with him instead of giving him your life to live!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com When you truly love, you open your heart and give your trust completely!. When that sincerity is so stepped on, the pain is intense!. Give yourself some time to get back on your emotional feet!. The next time you meet someone do a little research!. There is a good adage, "trust but verify"!. Continue to love yourself!. The right guy will come along!. I am truly sorry you are hurting so much!. Time will help!. Blessings on you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com maybe his absence is just odd in your life!. i have the same problem!. i went out with a guy for like 3 months recently, but we were best friends for like a year and a half before that, so it's hard!. just try to be strong and keep thinking that you're better off without him!. it's kinda working for me!. well, so far!. let me know how it goes: takexmyxhand1215@yahoo!.com!. (:Www@QuestionHome@Com love hurts!. if you really loved him, of course you're going to be upset!. don't blame yourself!. if he has a drinking problem, he's going to seem one way when he's with you, but he's a totally different person!. you're better off!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Maybe he will see that you really love him and things will change for the better!.!.!.it hurts because you love him!.!.!. and maybe things will work out and you will have another chance together!.!.!.hope things get better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com If I sound judgmental I am sorry, but isn't caring about someone a serious thing!. Don't we give away ourselves when we love!? Why the hell shouldn't it hurt!?Www@QuestionHome@Com It hurts because you had feelings for him and you trusted him!. Www@QuestionHome@Com B/c U Really Had Feelings For And It Might Not stop Hurting For A Long Time B/c Of ThatWww@QuestionHome@Com |