Is it possible for someone who hates you may well indeed love you? Even if the p

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Question:

It's someone I work for over 10 years!. She's married with children!.She says she's a Christian but judges and criticizes others, sometimes in their face if she can get away with it!.She accused someone of something she assumed!. It was later discovered that she was wrong!. The next day she refused to deal with the person i!.e!. speaking,acknowledging,etc!. She expects folks to kiss her rear rather than admitting when she's wrong!. How do you deal with someone like that!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

wow thats a tough one

well, i dont know what love has to do with this, but no, she doesnt sound like she loves you, nor does she respect you, or others

she sounds like a really difficult person to like and get along with
but the way you deal with people like that, is not being like them but not letting them get out of being like that
you have to compromise
thats life

its all about balance

so, you have to work for her, but that doesnt mean you have to "kiss her a**e"
thats what she wants, but she doesnt give anything to get it
respect is earned, not given for nothing
and she has not done anything to earn it and everything to lose it

you can complain to your higher authority about her, about her work attitide or soemthing

but in all honesty, you shouldnt let her get to you, as thats what she wants, to feel worthy, important, powerful, in control,
and you give her it when you are affected by her, by what she says or does

you can always use the "i thought true christians showed love, tolerance, understanding and compassion, but thats not what you are showing !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!."
as that will get to her,
but it could cause you problems at work too because it will get to her

the best way is a psychologically manipulative way
like you are being nice, not nasty, say it with questioning, not aggression, liek you are genuinely confused and thought this was true
thats the best way to deal with people who think they are better, higher than others, because they of course want the other people to see that and think that too, but if it sems like you dont, or soemone else doesnt, that will affect her
if wont change her, people like her, dont change
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Does she respect you!? It doesn't seem like she respects anyone!.
There is not a whole lot you can do for people like this!. She appears to be a very miserable person!.
One thing I could suggest; when she complains about another or accuses them of wrong doing, don't listen!. In a nice way, just say;
"I really don't want to hear it!. I don't like to talk about, or accuse other people for things I am not 100% sure of!. I think it is most unfair to them!." Then walk away!.
Once she sees that she does not have an audience to listen, she may eventually stop!. If not, at least she will approach someone else and you won't have to feel like you are right in the middle of her "drama"!Www@QuestionHome@Com

!.!.!.tell her to keep all opinions to herself and don't call me!.!.!.i'll call you!.!.!.
!.!.!.good luck!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

How can you deal with her!? With compassion!. This woman does not know her true value (and cannot recognize the value in others) and she feels devalued and feels compelled to do hurtful things because she is in pain!. If she were happy then it wouldn't cross her mind to do act in this manner!.

We can begin to heal the issue when we understand the "why" of it!.
This is not saying we should just roll-over and allow the abuse, but understanding another person will give you better tools to deal with her behavior!. It's an illness, a mental illness!. I'm not saying she's "crazy" but her unhappy mental thoughts are pushing outward and she's a pretty miserable person!. Can you have compassion for her state!?

You cannot change her, but you can change how you feel about her!. I understand that you may want to tell her what a miserable wretch she is, how badly she treats people and you're just not going to put up with it anymore but will that just add fuel to the fire and make her more miserable (and you too) or!.!.!.!.!.!.can you do kind actions and think kinder thoughts that will reach her on a deeper level and may help change her behavior!?

She already knows she's a miserable thing at home, work and at church too, but may not be willing to admit it or not conscious of it!. It takes courage to admit when we're being awful to others and making the decison to change that behavior!.

Things that can make a differnce are, giving a slight but sincere smile and make meaningful eye contact; silently wishing her a better day; sending her thoughts of peace, joy happiness and anything that you would wish for yourself!.

When (y)our behavior and thoughts change, then so do others - they can't help it!. Your lifting up of another, even slightly, will do amazing things for them eventually!. They will feel differently around you and even if others are their chosen target for the day, you can be out of range!.

First, see the great value in yourself, then you can more clearly see the value in others!.

Namaste

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