Position:Home>Philosophy> Why doesn't my Mother inlaw want me to BELIEVE in myself?!!?
Question: Why doesn't my Mother inlaw want me to BELIEVE in myself!?!!!?
Many times after being around her, I'm left w/feeling "not so talented", or smart, or whatever!.
It's as if she sort of "bullies" me in different ways!.
I did very well when I was in college both academically and in commercial art--which I majored in!.
Actually the understudy there told me that I should "consider being an understudy" in the commercial art program!. He also mentioned that the professor mentioned the same thing!.
Anyway, that was a few yrs!. ago now!.
Guess my point is, my MIL sort of "beats me down" slightly when it comes to ANY of my abilities!. And then when I finally have had enough, I put a lot of effort into each of my talents for "proof" for myself and anybody else!. Then she has no choice but to leave me alone!.
Why is she LIKE THAT TO ME!?!!?
I HATE IT!
And what's so weird is she's then so generous during Christmas, birthdays ect!.--says nice things about you to all other people!. But in front of your face she's !.!.!.!. sort of 'cutting', aloof and slightly cold!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It sounds like she is just one of those people!.!.!.we all know people like that (and usually it's a relative or someone in the workplace you see every day so there's really no way to avoid dealing with them, lol)
You just gotta realize that's their way and that it is no reflection on you whatsoever!. You know what your strengths are, don't let a conversation with her fill you with doubts!. (I know, it's easier said than done!.) Just keep smiling and be confident in who you are, because she is negative and doubting of people's abilities does not make anything true except that she has a negative attititude!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The only way you're really going to know why she is like this toward you is to ask her!. Sit down with her & have a chat about it!.(without getting nasty)!.!. at least you will have an inkling to say the least as to why she's like this with you!.
If the attitude bothers you, you could ignore her, then if she wants to know why, broach the subject & let her know how much it hurts/annoys you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
who knows!. who cares!.
chances are it has nothing to do with you!. more has to do with her insecurities!. feel sorry for someone like that!.
she's your MIL!. just be nice to her!. kill her with kindness!.
and ignore her negativity!.
she is the grandma of your kids/future kids!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Because you have accomplished something she'll never be able to accomplish - she's just jealous and to make herself feel better - she puts you down!.
Confront her and tell her she's not allowed near your family until she learns how to respect others!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Try looking at it from a different angle!.
If she didn't care about you on some level she wouldn't even bother wasting her energy criticising you!. The fact that she praises you to other people shows that she genuinely likes you!.
Sometimes parents, yes even in-law parents criticise us to bring out our full potential because they know we are capable of achieving more and don't know any other way to motivate us - it's the quick route!.
Look what it has achieved - 'when I finally have had enough, I put a lot of effort into each of my talents for proof for myself and anybody else!.' Ok the method might stink but it does seem to have some positive outcome!.
Maybe she leaves you alone after because she is pleased that you've taken on board what she has to say!.
She wants to feel a valued part of your life as well!. She has a vested interest because you are the husband of her daughter and the grandmother of any children you may have!.
The fact that she's generous to you at celebrations shows that she has love for you!.
Maybe she is not a good communicator and doesn't know how best to express her feelings for fear of rejection!. Try throwing the olive branch down!. Take her a bunch of flowers, give her a big cuddle and thank her for all her support - let her know that she is appreciated by you as a family member!. It certainly will disarm her!.
Perhaps she feels that you are slightly aloof and cold at times - positive communication is defintely the way foward, take the time to really get to know each other!.
The closer you two become the easier the relationship will get - it sounds to me that she has a lot to offer you given the opportunity!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Why do you care what she thinks! She may be your mother- in- law but, she ain't God! You 'give' her the right, to bully you around!. If you are not going to stand up for yourself, well-you got it coming! People do, what they do because, they "can"!
People do this stuff because they are insecure about themselves! They have to beat somebody else down to make themselves feel good!. But hey, you don't 'have to be the 'victim' here!. You "choose" to be! Stop It! You are just as good as anybody else! And you can tell your mother- in -law to go pound sand!
If you ever want any kind of respect from your partner, you better start standing up for yourself!!! :DWww@QuestionHome@Com
I'm sorry for how you are feeling and it doesn't help that your mother-in - law is a part of it!. Just stay strong and do what you do best!.Be yourself!. There are alot of people in this world that like to bring others down because of how they r feeling and for what they haven't been able to do in there lives!. This might be the only way she know how to show her feelings!. And also it sounds like a power thing!. But when she speaks to other it sounds like its all about bragging!. I'm just not sure what to really say anymore but have the strength to show her you r the better person but don't be pushed around either!. Good Luck and Be Strong!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Maybe she has feeligs of insecurity or some kind of complex!.!.!.espec if she didnt get the same opportunitis for education and career as you!. also some people find getting old difficult and tend to feel slightly depressed and crabby and grudge other peple there happiness!.
whatever the reason its great that you are trying to smoothen things out , really nice of you,but some people are just difficult!. so try but not too hard or else you will end up tired of the whole thing and frustrated!. also her negativety will affect you and your morale and confidence!.
best of luck! KEEP SMILING!Www@QuestionHome@Com