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Position:Home>Philosophy> I Never Had Desire To Marry.?Question: I Never Had Desire To Marry!.!? Is something wrong with me!?
I did in my 20's when all my friends married (and then divorced), and alas it didn't happen!. Now, in my 40's I realize it just isn't meant to be!. Anyone else!?!? **I also have 3 brothers close age who were never married as well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I not only think there is nothing wrong with you ,I feel you re probably smarter than alot of us!. If people knew ahead of time what marriage was in reality there would be less of them doing it!. I know I didnt desire what I found marriage to be, I married for freedom from my parents and someone to take care of me and found that my partner was replacing his mother with me!.LOL I thought life was going to be easier in a partnership where we carried the burdens of life together and ended up carrying both mine and his!. I thought it was going to be unending love ,it was unending frustration and selfish powerplays!. the truly sad thing was it took me more than once to find out that I was not suitable for marriage!. Im wiser now and happy where I am!. and because of spiritual reasons have chosen celibacy along with being single!. single doesnt mean alone or lonely!. I share a home with another person who has come to the same conclusion I have , we both have children and chose to combine our families into one!. it works better than any marriage ive ever had!. we are a close family and happy!. peace><>Www@QuestionHome@Com getting married is easy!. raising a family is much harder and more enduring!. I believe that it's a social conditioning thing, for the most part!. We grow up and see that that's what is supposed to happen and so we're conditioned to want the same thing!. Marriage isn't a private matter!. It's a public matter!. It's a social institution and serves larger social purposes!. Two people can make a private commitment to each other, but a public commitment has more power (and thus is a larger commitment) because people are social creatures!. This is why there's all sorts of ways in which we institutionalize and make public commitments that indviduals make with one another, not just marriage!. In western Europe during the middle ages and thereabouts, marriages were not initialized as formally as they are now!. Two people could just declare they were married and they were!. They could live as if they were married, and they were!. But the lack of a formal initial declaration of marriage did not lessen the social force that the presumption of marriage had once a man and woman were married!. In this sense, then, marriage even in this context was very public and social!. This is necessarily true, because the ultimate authority (other than, say, a God) of whether a man and woman were married was what their peers thought!. It was not exclusively a private contract!. It was implicitly public, even when it did not have all the religious and legal public formalities it has today!. So in this sense, this is one way in which to understand that marriage is not equivalent to a private commitment between two people to be "permanently" monogamous!. The way in which it's different, as I said, means that marriage can do something a purely private commitment can not!. It's a stronger commitment, and that's one of the primary things that marriage accomplishes!. But it probably also serves some more diffused social purpose, perhaps simply in that it defines the smallest social clustering unit!. Those things are, nevertheless, still just means to ends!. Why is a stronger commitment a useful outcome!? Why is defining levels of social units a useful organization!? Answers to these questions vary from obvious to mysterious!. Your fine!. You don't have to get married!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Same here - I don't have such desire, because I feel that marriage is a full-time commitment!. also, it's difficult to find someone who is a "good fit" sometimes!. I'm not much of a risk-taker :D I want to devote my life to other things!. I don't think I could handle marriage and my passions at the same time!. I'm sure some people could!. I'm just too lazy to try, lol!. Btw, I'm in my 20s! Who knows maybe when I'm in my 40s I'll change my mind, just to keep some balance in the universe, he he!.Www@QuestionHome@Com its a normal feeling hun!. most people in marraiges feel trap anyways!. but dont fret!. your making it a big deal!. if its not for you, its not!. its an individual choice!. i dont either have the desire to marry or whatever it is!. but i heard that the MOST IMPORTANT decision you will ever make in your life, is choosing whom you marry!. therefore, i think we all acknowledge this and that person has never been there for us to make a decision!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I was once asked if I would ever get married and I joked "she have to get me pregnant first", i guess it wasn't such a joke after all!. I am 53 and still not married!. then again I've never really wanted to have kids anyway!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Marriage is the obsession of women!. Men don't want to marry, they just want the "milk!."Www@QuestionHome@Com We each choose our own path!. The internal friction and self-doubt comes when we are negotiating our personal desires with what society tells us is acceptable!. Follow your heart and be true to yourself!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |