Is this thesis good for a histroy essay? what does it mean to you?

Question: Is this thesis good for a histroy essay!? what does it mean to you!?

Despite the problematic challenges of the 1930’s and 1940’s, the government responses to them were only effective to an extent, and required the help from various politician interventions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I think it is very good, but you can make a few changes to make it even better!.

1!. Problematic challenges is redundant!. If you can, find a more specific adjective to describe the challeges!. What kind of challenges were they!? This will also make your thesis more interesting!.
2!. I feel like "despite" and "only to an extent" are not quite parallel!. "Despite" implies that something happened even though something else (in this case, the challenges) made it highly unlikely!. The government was only partially successful because of the challeges, I think!.
3!. I think the phrase "politician interventions" needs work!. I don't know what you mean by that, exactly!. Are you making a distinction between specific policians and the government as a whole!? Wouldn't these also be categorized as government responses!?

Great work, though!. I am only giving you suggestions because I think it is always possible to make writing better!. I bet your essay will be very interesting!Www@QuestionHome@Com

No!. You do not mention the challenges that were problematic nor the government responses or the various politicians that took part in the intervention!.!. Instead of saying "effective to an extent", pick a side!. It will make your writing a lot stronger because it sill show that you are able to choose a side and support it!. Being undecided shows weakness!. also, your thesis does not provide a road map for what your paper is going to be about, meaning you're setting youself up for failure!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it is good, but make sure you have three main points!. it was kind of hard to pick out the three!.Www@QuestionHome@Com