Position:Home>History> Is this paragraph good? is there any grammer mistakes ?
Question: Is this paragraph good!? is there any grammer mistakes !?
Hundreds of munitions factories throughout Canada helped supplied Allies with war munitions!. Canada munitions factories drastically increased in the Great War, as munitions were highly demanded by countries involved in the war!. Munitions factories in Canada produced a variety of munitions products, such as machine guns, airplanes, tanks, battle ships, and bombs!. Canada has provided great amounts of munitions supply to the war!. Munitions factories in Canada were a great deal towards not only the war, but also were highly beneficial to Canada's economy!. Munitions factories provided vast amount of people with work!. Gradually, as more people worked, Canada's economy began to recover and stabilized from the affects of the Great Depression!. Farmers were examples of people who had profoundly benefited from the rising factories during war!. In Canada, farmers had stopped investing in farms, and many had quitted to find employment in the profitable factories!. Nevertheless, some people believed tWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I don't think it should be "munitions" but rather "munition"!. And also in the first sentence, "munition" is repeated twice and the second one is unecessary!. Second line should read: Canadian munition factories!.!.!.
Line three: You keep repeating "munition"!. What else would munition factories produce!? Just say: These munition factories produced a variety of weaponry including machine guns etc etc!.
Line four should read: Canada provided a great amount of munition supply to the Allies during the war!.
Line five: "A great deal" makes no sense!. Say something like "were particularly significant not only during the war, but were also highly beneficial!.!.!."
Line six and seven: "vast amount of people" sounds awkward!. Say "Munition factories provided many people with employment opportunities!. Gradually as the employment rates increased, Canada's economy!.!.!."
Line nine should read: "In Canada, farmers stopped investing in farms and many chose to found employment in profitable factories!."
Last line: "However, farmers were not the only ones who have found adequate work, but women had also found munitions factories where they were accepted!." should read "However, farmers were not the only ones who found adequate labor opportunities!. Women too were accepted in munition factories!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
You do not put a comma before "by", and the word "munitions" are used too much!. Try using some pronouns or link the sentences together!.Www@QuestionHome@Com