What do you think of my poem???

Question:

What do you think of my poem???

I don??t wanna??????????love you anymore

I don??t wanna love you anymore

I can??t take the pain of you not knowing

I don??t wanna pretend like I don??t love you anymore

Loving you is breaking my heart

I don??t wanna feel like I??m in heaven when standing close to you

I don??t wanna feel like I??m melting when you talk to me

I don??t wanna feel like crying when you walk away not knowing I love you

I don??t wanna love you anymore because not being with you is slowly breaking my heart

I don??t wanna have goose bumps every time you say my name

I don??t wanna feel breathless when you whisper in my ear

I don??t wanna feel like holding you forever when you??re near me

I don??t wanna love you anymore because not being with you is slowly breaking my heart

I don??t wanna love you anymore

I don??t wanna care about you anymore

I don??t wanna want you anymore

Because you not knowing I love you is breaking my heart

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: at first I was like "wanna"--I'm going to hate this. I didn't. It reads very well.

Your strongest image and line in my opinion:

"I don??t wanna feel like I??m melting when you talk to me"

I really liked that. Yes, you could tighten it up, but it's those type of lines that make it worth writing the whole thing.

I also liked your ending. I would like to suggest something...though feel free to ignore it if you like, just a suggestion:

When you get to your last four lines, you may want to consider replacing "wanna" with "want to". I think what this would show is a building of tension and determination on the part of the narrator.

I don??t want to love you anymore

I don??t want to care about you anymore

I don??t want to want you anymore

Because you not knowing I love you is breaking my heart

It just feels like it would be stronger--but if you don't agree go with your instincts.

Just my thoughts.