Poem Evaluation: Its for a class, I made revisions from other suggestions. Im v

Question:

Poem Evaluation: Its for a class, I made revisions from other suggestions. Im very new to this,How it is now?

The strangers look down and then shy away,
My cup remains empty with every pass.
My life, once bright, now only shades of grey,
Has forced me here to this unwanted class.
My ideas and heart still feel much intact,
But my pride is gone from years of abuse,
Their stares no longer force me to react.
It would only strengthen their bitter views.
If only they knew how it felt down here,
To live this way and have nobody care.
They would reach out to me and volunteer,
And help a fellow man shed his despair.
So until that hand comes and helps me stand,
My life will mean less than a grain of sand.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I like it. I like its melancholy tone. I don't know why, it reminds me of Chidiock Tichborne's elegy. Do you know this poem? By the way, good for the rhythm, which seems to worry you so much.

It was written in 1586, the day before his execution at the Tower of London:

My prime of youth is but a frost of cares,
My feast of joy is but a dish of pain,
My crop of corn is but a field of tares,
And all my good is but vain hope of gain;
The day is past, and yet I saw no sun,
And now I live, and now my life is done.

My tale was heard and yet it was not told,
My fruit is fallen, and yet my leaves are green,
My youth is spent and yet I am not old,
I saw the world and yet I was not seen;
My thread is cut and yet it is not spun,
And now I live, and now my life is done.

I sought my death and found it in my womb,
I looked for life and saw it was a shade,
I trod the earth and knew it was my tomb,
And now I die, and now I was but made;
My glass is full, and now my glass is run,
And now I live, and now my life is done.