Position:Home>Arts & Humanities> I have written some haikus and need critiques and comments?
Question:
I have written some haikus and need critiques and comments?
Roadside, blood, antlers
Deer slashing through windshield glass
Deer? there were many
A few drops of rain
trickle down the cars windshield
Crash! the rain is red
Hunters camouflage
Firing switch on two-shot bursts
Nimble fingers kill
You and I and them
A ragged photo album
Yellow brittle old
The church paid him cash
to dig a grave, cut the grass
Best job he'd ever had
Brownish waters licked
Graffiti artists painted
Sea wall attended
The inky black sky
Splashes of clouds, sparks of stars
attend birth of fog
Soldiers hunkered down
behind bush covered bunkers
hiding fearful hearts
White faces hunkered down
behind bush covered bunkers
hiding gunmetal gleams
I sing silently for
my sheep sleep too restlessly
when they are upset
He paid for the wool
so I spent all the money
to buy a new flock
Weathered mossy stone
practices its faith by means
of grave, grave markers
Additional Details1 week ago
right ! Thank you
I must remove down and here from 9 and 10
1 week ago
I mean I need to remove "for " not "here" from the singinghaiku
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
1 week agoright ! Thank you
I must remove down and here from 9 and 10