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Question:

What do you think of my poem ' Sister you are the only one who loved me ' ?

SISTER YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVED ME


Oh Sister, can you feel the pain in my veins
I watch my own blood glisten on the blade
As I walk to the unknown, a thousand whispers in my head
I watch myself get slain, my mother watches in disdain
As I walk to the black gates of the end
I wave them goodbye with my bleeding hand
Goodbye father! Goodbye Mother! You would never understand!
And I fall, and fall, and fall from where I stand, to the floor
The dark floor then swallows me up and spits me to a door,
I see a dead man guarding the door to the unknown
His breath a stink, a stink of death,
I walk into the gloom, deep into its depths
I don??t fear death! For already I am dead!
Without fear those words I hear myself say
Walk, walk, and walk till you forget the morning sun,
The room is burning! The dead man shouts a warning, Run!
Run, run, run, till I feel the barrel of the gun
I??m back in my room, lying on my bed with a pistol to my head
Pull the trigger! Walk the dead again! No fear of pain!
The voice of the dead man said
A thundering sound! The pistol hits the ground
In my bed my body will be found!
Again I walk the darkness, mother you were heartless, father you were heartless,
Sister! You loved me, thank you for the bullets! Thank you for your aid!
Now I have to leave you, please take back your pistol and leave me on the bed
Goodbye cruel Mother, goodbye cruel father, one day we will meet each other
I will wait for you by the gates of Hell!
I see darkness now, the light faints to shade
Oh, thank you sister, I am finally??dead!


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: First of course I must as you to seek professional help and to ask you not to really do that.

Secondly it is a very bitter-sweet poem, i love bitter sweet poems and endings (I suggest you read Jane Eire (spelling?) and/or withering heights and also some book called "tough Love" I can't remember authors, sorry ...,again I love those books anyway...) Its really hard to convey these kind of strong emotions in poems because it never 'fits' right, do you understand? but anyway you do this PERFECTLY! Its like, in the poem i become that person, walking with/am one of the dead, and i feel that the only helpful love i get is the kind in the story, of the sister giving tough love and bullets. You have amazing skill at conveying these emotions, don't give up! keep writing!