What is wrong with me?

Question:

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me?

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick and tired of myself. I don't understand why I am so different from everyone else. It's like I don't fit in anywhere. I can't socialize like everyone else. I'm usually to myself until approached and when I do talk it's like I cannot talk like everyone else. I usually don't know of anyone's business until it's been passed months before. Not that I am a fan of gossip but why am I not like everyone else. I don't understand. I feel like I always have to prove myself because I am black and I don't act like the typical black person. I don't know what I do. I feel so stupid and so alone. I have no confidence and I don't know how to acquire it. I'm about to be 20 for crying out loud when is this going to end. I feel like just forgetting everything and taking my life away sometimes because I feel like I was born into the wrong world. I hate myself. I don't understand why God made me that way. I'm so different and I don't know what to do about it...

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Well, there is an esoteric underpinning to everything, but many glaze over when this thing of the esoterical or intangible is brought to attentions.

All I say is just keep being. Nothing is wrong with you so long as you do not use the measure that others do, for then you measure yourself with too short a ruler, say. If you are a different drummer, then find the drumbeat, rebound, and time that suits you. You may prefer, say, 9/8 time over 4/4 time. 9/8 is not as easy to dance to as 4/4, much less is it a comfortable meter but is a most valid meter, and impressive to many.

So what if your take on life is not popular. Someone has to be different; otherwise, life will grow bored with itself.

So do as life does: build a case for yourself amid this aloneness. Just don't rationalize or make excuses not to engage life, for then you truly would be out of time; then there surely would present something wrong, in you.

As to the taking your life away: that would be an annoyance to those whose job it is to attend to that individual who would take his or her own life [But this takes us into the esoteric again, so I will refrain from intimating ].

But you were not born in the wrong world. And you don't hate yourself but in fact love yourself else you would not express such a concern and seek such nurturing for yourself -- that is a marking of love, not hatred.

Embrace your difference. Do not violate your own unique design. Embrace it !

Finally, there exists, out of over 6 billion people, someone of your same feather who knows exactly what you are feeling and saying. Look for them. Such will evidence in the eyes of that person, in the body language, who is not unlike yourself, and who can come in either form, male or female or both -- for Life is not limited in what it has to offer you; thus it matters not who shall approach.

Simply intimate your need of the guidance, and don't be purist or defeatist about what comes -- don't get in your own way, see, for what do you know?