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Question:

What do you think of this poem?

~somewhere, under the rainbow~

you really don't want it to happen
but, really, you do
yes, if just to experience something so
catastrophic
monumental
historic
news-worthy
terrifying
not quite a product of a sick mind
but of a normal one
that grew weary of the status-quo
years ago
just a break away from this predicament

Just to be caught up in the tornado,
lifted so high up, and to be conscious
if it were so
and then to be dropped into a tree
to climb down
and see everyone else just as okay as you
waiting for their cups of tea
with minds and mouths full
of neat stories.

and glad for the excuse to do so.


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like the idea too, but it could use some some more imagery. "Catastrophic" and "monumental" are over-used words. Instead of telling us (the readers) that it's catastrophic, can you get us to envision it so that we see how catastrophic it is? (Or how catastrophic it seems to be int he moment.)

My favorite line is "waiting for their cups of tea". (It feels a little like a cliche, but the banality of it actually works in context.) See how that image -- people waiting for tea -- works better than literally saying, "everyone was calm now"? Look for more chances to do that, to make your ideas really captivating.