Question:
Do u like my poem?
As I am sitting there in my class room, people shouting in my ear, being nasty, I sit and think of the stories I have heard from war!
Bombs flying over head just like the paper airoplanes dashing towards my desk, all the tears of sorrow, that I hide inside are leaking onto one peice of paper like the blood from a wounded soldier, all the bodies all around from the passed classes strike me down!
Now as I lay there on the floor, I am reminded of all the blood and gore!!
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
1) It would be very very nice if u made some improvements
2) Get rid of the punctuation; it spoils the effect
3) Split it up into verses/paragraphs to show the different thoughts-Perhaps one paragraph for the thoughts in your classroom, one for the description of war, and one for the thoughts back in your classroom
4) Your poem is very descriptive and vivid. Write on! Best of luck in your writing career!