Question:
Poetry thing question?
i hafta come up with a 16 line poem thing and i wantd to know if this would work and if its even good
walking this world feeling so alone
being in this place thats cold as stone
just wantin to break, not knowing if i can take another day like this
everbodys acting fake not being real
how long will it take for all of this to heal
to be cheated and ripped off
nobody knows exactly how it feels
to have everything you trusted thrown in your face
i just wanna leave this place i'm in and get away from it all
i wanna run before i fall and hit ground hard
ive played my last card im ready to break
im ready to make the change of pace
to get out of this place
ready to be done
the pressure is a ton and growing more
now thats its done i feel release and am no longer sore
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
very few people these days can pull of a successful rhyming scheme and you are not one of them.
I suggest you drop it because it's really corny.
you can do a lot better on choosing words and phrases too. every line seems pretty trite. the over all feel and message could be good though. bring out some more tension.