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Question:

What do you think of this poem 2?

Please someone light my heart
with the fire that will never fade.
My heart is just like a burnt piece of ash,
that is waiting to explode.
Now all the feelings of my heart are gone,
but burn up my heart and never let it quench.

Please someone bring a light in my eyes
so that my eyes will shine with twinkles.
Now my eyes are two deep dark caves
that are looking for stars to shine inside.
Please let my eyes speak the words
that my heart will keep inside forever and ever.

Please someone give me another heart,
a new pure heart with no hurt that??s been received.
Now my feelings are gone from my heart,
and it??s waiting to be cured by your sweet tender hands.
But don??t let my heart catch on fire,
then that thousands of pain come back to my heart.

Please someone light my heart
with the fire that will never fade.
It may break my heart and burn them into pieces,
but it will keep my eyes to shine.
The twinkles in my eyes will tell you why,
Tell you why I am here.

Additional Details

3 months ago
this is a self expression poem I made
and if there are grammar/spelling mistakes I made please correct them
thanks


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

its pretty good but it needs some work. you need to improve the word choice a little bit - the whole time i was reading it i kept thinking about how i kept hearing 'heart' and 'eyes'. it just became a little too much. but you did a good job - keep up the good work.