Question:
Can someone critique my poem?
THE PERFECT MAN
SATISFY THIS CRAVING
TASTE HOW MAD
SWALLOW YOUR AGONY
A DELICIOUS PASSION
THE MUSKY ECSTASY
BREATH OF PLEASURE
EMBRACE HIS BODY
WARM VELVET SKIN
BURNS LIKE FIRE
WHISPER A SCREAM
BEG FOR LOVE
GET ONLY DREAMS
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
SO.DEAD had a good idea. i am not in touch with that stuff which is why i post here. u might have other ambitions.
as for the poem: there are often sprinkles of brilliance in the words of people who have not written before or would never consider themselves poets,yet these incredible lines or these original/creative lines come up that just floor me. I think your poem is full of that kind of stuff. For example, just the concept of "swallow your agony" makes me writhe on the floor. sounds like an animal who ate something too big to digest.
"musky ecstacy" reminds me of cheap cologne for a guy but that's not the point.
"whispering a scream" is not something we do every day.
"begging for love and getting only dreams" is just a freaking heart breaking ending line.
i am not the kind of person who can take u line by line like drew or nathan who do this. but i just loved, loved, loved the end to your poem. i hope you keep writing..and btw, writing for urself is worthwhile.