Question:
What do you think of my sonnet?
Please let me know what you think about this poem. I would particularly like to know you interpreation of its meaning.
Dire Straits
O Lamentable fate, cruel hand, spare him
Your unkindly touch ??rouses, stirs his soul.
Wails from the Irish maiden, the banshee,
Penetrate sleep, while the lone bell does toll.
Is there any doubt? The bell tolls for thee.
Make accordance with thyself, then others
Certainly, the deaf judge will hear thy plea.
Still, many a souls have lost their brothers.
Forgive them for they know not what they do
Our Father which art in heaven, forgive us
You know the accusations are untrue
You know your confession was in duress.
Perhaps some day the world will understand
That a life is more that a grain of sand.
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi
This seems like a strong compelling prayer, but technically I don't think it's a sonnet, although your rhyme scheme does look the same as in the Shakespearian sonnets, thumbs up for that!
But the rhythm leaves something to be desired, it should consist of iambic pentameters to be a sonnet.
Here's how:
"Shall I compare thee to a summers day" goes like this: "da DA da DA da DA da DA da DA" (the caps are the stressed syllables), whereas your initial line
"O Lamentable fate, cruel hand, spare him" has a rhythm that goes something like: "da da DA da da DA da DA da DA" and in the next stanza "Is there any doubt? The bell tolls for thee" it comes out like: "da DA da da DA da DA da da DA". But the third initial line is the right rhythm.
Also "many a souls" in the line "Still, many a souls have lost their brothers" would be correct if it said "Still, many a soul has lost her brother" or "its" or "his brother".