Question:
What happened??
may I please ask why my question was erased?? that poem is my life so your basically just deleting my life. here it is again and will everyone who reads this tell me if it is good? thank you so much to the people that have hearts out there =]
Darkness Shadder To Death:
everyday is namecalling
go home
slit
see it drip
feel the pain
let it rip
your heart is turning black
your soul is not going back
everything you used to like is now ******* wack
you try not to cry
but the pain keeps getting worse
and you have nothing to do
but sit there and hurt
your friends leave you
because of what you do
its like the world is out to get you
nobody will ever understand
its just like a joke to them
they point and laugh
hey, we'll just hang em
the end is coming near
you've cried your last tear
I am sorry world
that you were just never here
was it deleted because it was to detailed? im only trying to be heard and do you think it is good? thank you again
Additional Details3 months ago
Rachel - oh I see. thank you =] yea and I am okay..I have one great friend that is helping me with this. She is wonderful. Thank you very much for your answer
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it may have gotten deleted by accident, or got closed before it was finalized.
if youre not looking for a sincere critique then i suggest you stop reading now... ;)
i used to write a lot of stuff like this, and i found only through becoming more descriptive, or using different phrases or analogies did it started sounding less like a pity party for one, and more like a sound poem...
not that this is how yours sounds, but i would say keep working on it!
i think its ok but i would try to i dont know find different ways to say things, use analogies, or be descriptive, what color is the blood? how does it drip? does it glide along the curve of your skin or does it fall? where does it fall?
what pain gets worse??? what dont people understand? whats a joke???
the end of what? life or existence as we know it??
what do the tears feel like? taste like? find more descriptive adjectives...
i really like the title though.
the beauty of poetry is that its expressive... you can and should be as expressive as you want.
if you have any other questions feel free to email me. :)