Position:Home>General - Arts & Humanities > Please offer constructive criticism about my poem?

Please offer constructive criticism about my poem?

The Me Who Lived Before You

Though the images are slow
I fell them drifting round their target.
They aim to undermine this birth: I am.

The me who lived before you
Tries to die before you find her.
The me who lived before you
Tries to edge herself into the void of your ignorance
Before you discover that this
Is the first time I have believed that I believe.

I don't tell you
Of the thousand frozen floes
Breaking away with pieces of my life,
Blindly colliding with one another,
Like spectres, continuing on . . .

I don't tell you
Of the demons
Slipping into my dreams at night,
Or the gypsy lies
Trying to steal me back to travel the caravan . . .

I don't tell you
Of the me who lived before you came
Because you are here.

I don't tell you
What put me here
Because it hurt so much.

I don't want to have to do it again.

It can only be worth those thousand deaths once.

3 months ago
Yikes, "fell" in that second line is "feel". Sorry!!!

3 months ago
spectres are just another word for ghosts.

3 months ago
I liked "All Night Her."
When I get over myselfmy poem, I'll focus on it.
Thanks.

3 months ago
This is about falling in love and trying to keep all the disappointments of the past from interfering in the new love relationship. It's about how past experiences haunt our present like ghosts, and how we struggle to overcome them, often just with hope.
Anybody else want to critique whether this was accomplished in this poem?

3 months ago
DREW? NATHAN? I can take the hits...Margot

Great poem, intense feeling. I felt the words, heard the music, witnessed your pain.

Keep loving.

Keep feeling.

Keep writing.