poem?

Question:

Can you please review this rap/poem?

I am preaching some of my religious nonsense to some underdeveloped kids, and here is a rap I am going to use to introduce myself to the little ones.

Holla if ya hear me
yo
yo
holla if ya hear me
yo
military mind
military mind
is a criminal grind
only if ya hustle
holla
holla
holla if ya hear me
uh
boom bam
my pockets are getting fatta

Damn!
Yeah!

Will this win the kid over?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

umm... you dont use profanity when rapping to kids. but if you have a good beat, then you should be okay, even if they dont understand the military mind or criminal grind part. and change 'my pockets are gettin fatta' to something the opposite of money, like education.