Question:
What do you like and dont like about my poem?
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the breeze picks up
waves lap the shore
boueys bob up and down
a dock spans the area
ropes lay in a coil
a boat floats alongside it
life jackets hung around
the oars lay inside
my dad stands on the dock
he looks charged
keys jingle in his pockets
slowly his hand grabs them out
they slide into the keyhole
the motor jumps and hops as we ride away
boats pass us
i see a sailboat how windy
ducks quack from the shore
i pull out my camera
snap pop there goes the camera
a jet ski vrooms past us
we rock about whoosh whoosh
under a bridge it goes
the sun shines bright
we speed up and ride the waters
the captain steers us
along the lake
on this peaceful day
Additional Details3 months ago
don't say i cant spell bouy
i want to know should it be longer or more of what i feel etc thanks
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Observations of the obvious. I would have prefered if you gave more of how the images made you feel, rather than just point them out. You had the potential to catch us in a snapshot of your emotions obout experiencing this moment with your father, or drag us headon into your adventure on a boat, or even soothe us with the serenity of your surroundings.
Please keep going though, I applaud you for trying, as I love to read poetry, but could never commit to writing any.
Thankyou