Question:
How would you rate my poem(1 worst and 10 best)?
Okay so i'm in eight grade and this is about my first expierience on a roller coaster
The sky began to darken with a foretelling of fear
A gust of angst blew us back
As the hushed rumble of gears
Teased my racing heart
Fear drenched our souls
Our hearts shivering with apprehension
Our bodies splattered with remorse
Our minds sheltered by curiosity
The air was dead
Everything was suspended in the fear
It was the calm before the storm
The last moment before it strikes
The storm captured us
A lightning rod speared my heart
A thunderous boom exploded from my mouth
A streak of illumination spread across my lips
The storm passed
Leaving us in the aftermath
Bruises that blemish our hearts will never heal
They will only make us stronger for next time
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
7/8
I love the fact that you went the darker route with your telling. The fear of the rollercoaster journey (and during) overrides the moments of pleasure for me as well. I thought that you beautifully illustrated that passion and emotion. Never let anyone tell you what the experience is supposed to be about??it is always your journey and your own personal experience.
My comments on the structure of the poem??
The storm captured us
A lightning rod speared my heart
A thunderous boom exploded from my mouth
A streak of illumination spread across my lips
(Something is missing between these two stanzas??tell me about the actual ride)
The storm passed
Leaving us in the aftermath
Bruises that blemish our hearts will never heal
They will only make us stronger for next time
Again??beautiful illustration. Great job!