Question:
Please help me critique dis poem!?
The sheer luminescence of hope, slowly evanesencing each day I walk this earth.
The sheer luminescence of any exiguous happiness, buried in the sepia dirt.
The sheer luminescence of faith, never finding its rebirth.
The sheer luminescence of him truly loving me, is all just a fake.
The sheer luminescence of suicide, coming closer with each breath I take.
The sheer luminescence that he wouldn't even care, for heaven's sake.
The sheer luminescence of death, jumping into death's eternal lake.
im 11 years old..
and with very limited skill at writing
please critique!
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
ok. feel free to paraphrase me.....
reminescent of a shallow grave. fast and sloppy.
rhyme scheme is as follows:
A
B
A
B
B
B
B
the impression i get is moody, almost forsaken lover, blinded by situation. repeatitive. decent for a beginner, but not that good.