Question:
Poems!!!!!!!?
here are some poems do you like them
Pool
During part of spring and summer I am loved
While the sun is beating and the heat is suffocating
I am cleaned and kept, used, and needed
Then when I turn cold just as the wind around me
I am shunned and unnoticed, unwanted and lonely
When the rain falls I am lonely
Filling to the brim with unclean uninvited droplets
But then wfen again I am warm I am loved
I forget about the neglect and indifference they showed me
Ready once again to be wanted
Additional Details2 months ago
At first it's pain
Then sweet joy
As the red beeds trickle from the river of life
As the blood stains the sink and counter
All I feel is peace
No stress or anger enters my thoughts
Only peace
But now something is wrong
the beads become a trickle
the trickle a stream
then it hits me
this feeling I shouldn't feel
Pain
Urgent unrelenting pain
Pain more intense then I've ever felt
This shouldn't be happening
It's never happened before
My head is reeling
Will they find me
Or will I be yet another teen suicide
I didn't want this
Or did I
2 months ago
The immense sound surrounding me
Holding me captive
The sharp edges slicing threw my walls of skin and bone
I wait for it to stop for what seems like years
With me standing there holding my breath
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
The force exerted felt good but now all I can think about is pain
Pain before
Pain now
Pain after
But now the pain is over
I'm swimming in a pool of blood
Who's
Mine or his
The report said broken
How can I explain
The glass didn't break
It shattered
Threw him
Threw me
Threw it
I killed him
To stop the pain
But in doing so I killed it
2 months ago
I would just like to say i have never cut my self or killed anyone i read a book about it and i got the ideas
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Honestly, I don't believe these are very good. I think you do have a pretty solid, sturdy beginning, but they need much revising. I often accept influences from books and write poems freom the main characters point of view. You should use a thesaraus, they're are some greatonline ones, to come up with more words for love, lonely etc. These are used much too much in your poem. Please contact me for more help and advisory as to your poems. Good luck!