Will you critique this?

Question:

Will you critique this?

i like writing poetry... it helps me vent, and get out my thoughts. I don't usually let people i know read it, but i showed my friend and she said it was good, but i want to know someone's opinion who isn't biased..

here's the one i showed her, that i wrote today:

The reflection of the moon
dances erratically in my cup,
steam rising from it
like smoke
from a joung girl's
cigarette
or a young man's
pipe.
My bare feet are growing numb,
my body shivers once.
It is cold,
but I can't go back
inside
because I haven't got the courage
to confront
to convict
to commit
to confess.
The cold may slowly
peel me away
it that be it's will,
or I may vanish
with only a thin white trail
left behind.

no mean comments, please =D
i write poems from the heart to express what i can't put into prose.

Additional Details

2 months ago
hehe i just realized that that first paragraph i wrote up there is pretty badly butchered... oops

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like it. One thing that was suggested to me is this: a lot of poetry that deals with feelings is pretty intense when the emotion is first written down. That's the time you vent. Then you re-write because there is more to writing poetry than just the raw emotions. Never be afraid to edit. That's how you take a good poem and make it a great one. Good luck with your writing. I like the line about the moon dancing erratically in your cup, and the image at the end of the poem.