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How is this short story?

The Propose
The sky seems magnificent with the stars twinkling and the golden moon shining in the middle. The dreary clouds are swirling high above the green hills and are appearing like golden wool scattered in the heavens. This natural charm has even found its way into the lives of the people living under the vast sky blanket. Meanwhile in the distant corners of Kathmandu, in a deserted house the late-night silence is splintered by an unexpected pounding upon the telephone. Pratima, fast asleep, is brusquely transported away from her sweet dreams of being beside a cool mountain stream and brought back to reality.
Soon the beautiful girl with unparalleled beauty appears in the living room where the telephone is ringing. The moonlight has brightened up her beautiful dark hair made it seem like the heart striking beauty of the Heavens?? Garden. As she moves around in the house it seems like a grandiose peacock dancing the spring rains. Just then, Pratima picks up the telephone <more>

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that has been disturbing the hush of the night.
??Hello?? Pratima speaks into the telephone and her nightingale like voice echoes into the house. ??Hello, is it Pratima??? a man with a sturdy accent replies back. As these words strike her, Pratima feels as if she has hit the rock bottom, slowly her heart beat sinks down and her eyes turn cherished. ??Ye...Yes it is Pratima speaking. By the way may I have your introduction, I don??t think I know you??, she stutters back into the phone. In a rather astonishing reply to Pratima??s confused words, the man on the telephone replies ??Pratima don??t you recognize me. Well, I didn??t expect you to forget your childhood friend (laughs)??. Just as he speaks these words silence reigns for a while. Then the man adds, ??Don??t you still recognize me? Come on??.I??m Anil????your school friend.??
Just as these words fall upon Pratima??s ears, she gets taken away by a mixed feeling of happiness and stun. She remembers her schooldays when she was the most beautiful<more

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and desired girl in her class. She further recalls that this guy Anil was one of the many guys who had a crush on her. During their schooldays, Pratima never loved Anil, but still she cared for him, she never prized him however she was always there for him and when the entire world was against Anil, she was by his side, walking hand in hand with him. This weird and wonderful feeling in Pratima??s heart creates exhilaration to showed up on Pratima??s face giving an account of the eccentric chemistry remained between the two for their entire school life.
Breaking the calm, created by Pratima??s mute reactions Anil speaks into the phone ??Pratima, are you there??? Although these words pinch hard on Pratima??s ears????.she never ??hears?? them. With the first words from Anil??s lips Pratima had already been dream surfing in the seventh heavens. For a moment or two silence reigns over the telephone????..Then out of nowhere Pratima gets herself back to her normal state of mind and replies back.

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??Yes, Anil I am still here. By the way what made you call me after all these years??, Pratima asks Anil the question which was thumping loud in her heart.
Then Anil, added,?? Well, it??s a quiet long story; Actually, this morning I received a phone call which let me know that tomorrow is our school??s golden jubilee and tonight there??s a reunion party and I am invited, so is our entire batch, but unfortunately as the guy who called me didn??t have your number he asked me to do a favor, which I am supposedly doing now by calling you up!??
??Well, then thanks for the favor but when does the program start and when to arrive??? Pratima asks Anil.
??Be there at seven in the evening, See you there?? with these words Anil keeps down the phone hoping to meet his longtime crush.

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The following day, Pratima gets entangled in her work and nearly forgets the about the reunion ceremony. With nearly the entire day passed, she looks up high in the reddish turned sky just to remember that that today was just something more than a normal day-it was her reunion. Then she hurriedly gets dressed in a beautiful outfit and leaves for her school.
One the way she thinks of her friends, how would they look imagining their faces and the change in recent years. She thinks about how the boys of her class would look with mustache and beard, or even a bald head. She even picturizes in her mind how Anil would look, thinking he would be probably a sweetheart for her.
When she reaches the school she waits outside the school gate just hoping to meet some of her school pals. Then after waiting outside for a while she moves into the school just to be surprised by the things inside.

1 month ago
Once inside she sees the school completely deserted and sees a person in a tuxedo standing at far corner of the school playground. For a moment or two she doesn??t recognize the man, just then it clicks in her mind that the man is none other than Anil.
On the far side of the ground Anil too recognizes Pratima and approaches her; and so does Pratima and she also approaches Anil. Then after a brief walk they come face to face in the middle of the vast school playground and look upon each other??s eyes. Just as a hailstorm thrashes out bamboo houses, the look on Pratima??s face batters the loving look on Anil??s eye.

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After that breaking the ice Anil speaks,??Pratima, do you remember this school, it??s the place where we first met, fifteen years ago. And now we are standing face to face on the same grass that we once played in.?? Looking towards Pratima he adds,?? Pratima, its not the reunion for which I called you here. Actually I??ve to tell you something. I didn??t know just when to tell it to you, now no more can I hide it????..Pratima for the past fifteen years I??ve been madly in love with you and today I express it to you????.and Will you marry me??? with these words slipping from his lips Anil takes out a beautiful diamond ring from his pocket, kneels on his one leg and poses in front of Pratima.
In response to these words Pratima just gives a romantic look to Anil and accepts the wedding ring with an invigorating smile.

If you are writing for YahooAnswer, I imagine you'll have tons of praise. If you are seeking a major publisher you'll want to tighten up some loose ends. Your writing glimmers in some spots and weakens in others.
You seem to use the word seem frequently (3x's in the first sentence). At first I thought you were building a tone for your story but then I heard it twice more in the first paragraph and you lost me. I'd think of a different way to set a tone. Also, to describe someone as beautiful is a red flag for amateur. The peacock description was sufficient enough for me. We know peacocks are beautiful and it is not a common description. Which says you have originality and the potential for barking with the big dogs in sci fi/fantasy fiction for youth.