What do you think of my Poem?

Question:

What do you think of my Poem?

HAVEN

Right on the corner
Of a busy crossway
A homeless man
Was playing a flute

While I was resting
On the garden bench
The sweet sound of music
Carrying a melody phrase
Sought refuge in my ears
And stayed in my heart

Composed by Rishikaysh

Additional Details

8 months ago
Sorry friends, I just came up with a slight change. I replaced the word stayed with snuggled. I hope it doesnt sound offensive, hope its more poetic.

I think this version of last four lines will sound better..

The sweet sound of music
Carrying a melody phrase
Sought refuge in my ears
And snuggled in my heart

8 months ago
Sorry friends, I just came up with a slight change. I replaced the word stayed with snuggled. I hope it doesnt sound offensive, hope its more poetic.

Please click on my name and join my 360 friends circle. Thanks.

I think this version of last four lines will sound better..

The sweet sound of music
Carrying a melody phrase
Sought refuge in my ears
And snuggled in my heart

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like it. As a fellow poet, I think it flows very well, and shows that poetry can be strong without rhyme. I like how each line contains a fragment instead of a full phrase, and how every word really fits and there's nothing that could be taken out. It creates good imagery as well, and allows the reader to feel what you are talking about.

Nicely done.