Question:
Opinions of this poem, please?
Really the only reason I put my poems on this site is because I get quick responses...that and the responses I get are (generally) high quality responses. Okay this poem is called "Unlike Everyone Else", if you can think of a better title that also would be appreciated....so yeah, opinions please on the quality of the poem as well. Thanks.
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Everyone??s in love but me
I suppose that there??s something that I cannot see
Some sort of magic, some spot of luck
A certain way to woo them, a certain way to ****
It??s killing me quickly, so quick that I??m scared
My clock says I??m not ready, though I??m over prepared
The taste of the sweetness, a taste not yet known
A taste that??s acquired, it??s something that??s learnt
Yeah, everyone is loved but me
But I suppose that that??s something I??ll never be
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I applaud your desire to write poetry. Know that writing a poem, a truly good poem, takes work. I hope you are willing to work on your craft. If you are, then read on.
A poem is not about how you feel. Sorry, but it is not. It is about how you can make another person, your reader or listener, feel. Your work here as a poet is to allow the reader space to climb into a poem. When you fill it up with "I" and "me" and "my," the reader has nothing with which to empathize. Sure, you are feeling your feelings, but those are best left in a sock drawer or maybe your blog.
Rhyming poetry went out about the middle of the 1950s. That was over 50 years ago. Today's poets still use metaphor, simile, alliteration, internal vowel sounds, but also use line endings for emphasis. Contrived rhymes look and sound artificial. The Beat poets broke us out of that.
Teenage angst is a killer. I am not making light of it. Too many young folks kill themselves. What I am talking about in this short critique is what I think you asked for: something about the poem.
In order to write well, read modern poets. I would suggest reading some Robert Bly, Ezra Pound, Ray Clark Dickson, Ginsberg. Then go back and read some formalists who are minimalists like the haiku author Basho. How did he get across mood, time of day and season in so few sounds?
Poetry is work. Roll up your sleeves and do some revision.