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Position:Home>General - Arts & Humanities > What do yo think of this.........?Question: What do yo think of this.........?Weak bones. Walk out the door. Drag myself back home before dark.I've got alot to think about.Need to think before tomorrow.I know my dreams won't be dreams at all,but nightmares coming on so strong. Wake up.Sunlight on my face.Yah,the sun's still there up in the sky. Weak bones.Walk out the door.It's no use hoping that maybe today will be better,because I know it won't.The day ends.Night comes and I can't believe I'm still alive. Wake up,but there's no sunlight on my face.Dark clouds cover the sky.Rain would be nice,but no rain will fall.As soon as I walk out the door the clouds disappear and the sun shines again.For the first time I see how blue the sky really is.New thoughts enter my mind.Peaceful thoughts.To my suprise the day isn't that bad.And when night comes and I rest my head on my pillow my dreams are good A comfort to my mind. Well? Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's mixed. Some sentences are evocative, some are direct - you get more direct towards the end. It doesn't sound right, but only because you haven't put enough effort into it. Good inspiration, but not executed well enough. My advice (OK, I'm not a poet or anything) - it's not a bad idea to edit what you've written, even if it was written on an inspiration (I'm assuming it was.) |