Hey I just need your opinions with this poem I made.So I hope to receive a subst

Question:

Hey I just need your opinions with this poem I made.So I hope to receive a substantial take on this. cheers. :

WAKEFULNESS

I am here

to haunt you

at nocturnal hours

rob you of that limited bliss

succumb your mind

in fissure

fitful in circles

while you seek

to all things that breathes.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Sounds like you're trying to either get back at someone who's wronged you, or to subconsciously affect someones thoughts into becoming engrossed with you. It has a hint of agression, but is taken into a subliminal context through the activity of sleep.

Also, "breathes" should be changed to "breathe" (just a syntax discrepency)

You are looking to rob someone of tangential thought, always returning to thoughts of you. Blocking out all other subjects and perpetually arriving at haunting thoughts of you and your intentions.

I liked it.