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Question:

Okay. This poem.. does anyone like it?

Give me some constructive criticism if you know enough about poetry to do so. Otherwise, whether you like it or not is enough for me. :)

He sits at the desk again
grasps the pen
with intentions of a sonnet
but forgets once more
in staring at the door
she is gone

He glances at the empty place
her things packed in a case
and closes his eyes
the unbearable stillness
upon him like an illness
she is gone

He reaches out
with a shout
in the night
and feels nothing near
it??s now becoming clear
she is gone

He sits at the table
built sturdy and stable
while everything else is broken
She left him just that-
the table at which they sat
she is gone

He sings their song
but something??s wrong
he can??t sing it alone
It was the first and last dance
for the lovers in a trance
she is gone

I know it isn't quite there yet. help?


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I love it. I real poem. To be honest, When I saw the heading I thought to myself "Sweet, a stupid emo kid with a stupid emo suicide poem for me to poke fun at". But it's excellent! It's not very often that you run into people writing real poetry instead of a suicide note. It's glorious that you're able to capture his emotions without sounding like a whinny dipshit. I really really like:
He sits at the table
built sturdy and stable
while everything else is broken.
Beautiful, keep it up.