Question:
Comments on my poem...?
Can you give comments, or what i can do to make it better? Thanks in advance!
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Why did it have to be this way?
I thought we'd stay friends
There are many things left unsay
How did it all ends?
The lust went away
The feelings were never there
The friendship should have stayed
The things we've shared
You knew the real me
For you I've let it out
Without you I'd never be-
The real me without doubts
Those hugs came naturally
Now I have to watch myself
You're never here fully
Always with somebody else
What has gone so wrong?
You were my shoulder
It has felt so strong
But now it's getting colder
I'm stuck with empty walls
I want it all back
But now I feel so small
Nothing is on track
I need to accept the facts
We're growing apart
Know you've made an impact-
You've opened my heart
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This was better than most of the other banal drivel that I've read over the last week.
A spelling error looks to be the only structural problem. The voice is all right, not exactly powerful but not weak.
The voice has the "whatever" sound when I read it again, meaning that the events, while sad, are not enough to spurn any serious emotional reaction. The first things that come to mind as a reaction are: "Oh well, life goes on." If that's the tone you're going for, you hit it head on, otherwise, you missed the mark by a little bit.
Regardless, keep up the work, you have potential.