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Position:Home>General - Arts & Humanities > My Poem, What Happened??Question: My Poem, What Happened??I know it doesnt Rhyme. So don't use that as an excuse for it sucking if you think it sucks. If you think it sucks pick a different excuse. If you Like it However, Please Star it. It would mean a lot to me and thx for enjoying it. Will you all Please Rate??? 5 months ago 5 months ago Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like the flow of thought you have. It's a very thought-provoking poem. My only criticism, for I too write poetry of all kinds (except regarding love---I stink at those): I wouldn't have ended my poem with "Wait I'm done with this". Also, I would expand the thoughts a little more because it will give the reader a little mental insight into the writer of the poem (for example:"What happens to our idenity? One day, we enter this world after being an embryo and a fetus. Some of us are lucky to have a name--if only a nickname--before we enter. We enter with a loud cry and are recognized for that cry, we are recognized for that hair on our head, and the color of our eyes. Expand your poem, carrying the reader through the years, for example, with this. Perhaps ending with something such as: As life begins it's last turn around the bend, we have hair that has become noticeably a different hue, we have eyes that have seen the world and the orbs are faint and failing. ( See what I mean)? |