I'v began to start writing again heres the first. tell me what you think ok?

Question:

I'v began to start writing again heres the first. tell me what you think ok?

Take into concideration i only write about death and suicide. I think it needs som tweaking but i havent writen in over a year.

more then a memory

As I'm fading
faintly breathing face down in a pool of my own blood
Crying what tears i have left to shed,
Wishing there was a better way,
My last moments of life,
painful and cold, quiet and lonely
Unable to move and struggling to breath i know it wont be much longer
dieing with a smile on my face, knowing i left this world more then just a memory.
But a name and a face, with a painful remembrance of what i could have been.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Personally, I like it. I write things like this and it has a very nice flow to it. I might suggest that you put a few more breaks in the sentences such as:

As I'm fading
Faintly breathing face down
In a pool of my own blood
Crying what tears i have left to shed,
Wishing there was a better way,
My last moments of life,
Painful and cold, quiet and lonely
Unable to move and struggling to breathe
I know it wont be much longer
Dieing with a smile on my face
Knowing I left this world more then just a memory
But a name and a face
With a painful remembrance
Of what i could have been