Question Home

Position:Home>General - Arts & Humanities > Rate my poem please! 1-10 1 being bad and 10 being good?


Question:

Rate my poem please! 1-10 1 being bad and 10 being good?

THE UNKNOWN
A razorblade in one hand,
Thirty pills in the other.
Listening to my favorite band,
Singing about killing another.

Sitting on the bathroom sink,
Music turned up high
Really starting to think,
How much I want to die

Feeling the blade slice through my skin,
The lead singer hitting a high note.
Popping all thirty pills, I begin
To feel them slide down my throat.

Seeing the light begin to haze over,
The blade cutting deep,
Knowing my life was a cover,
I started to weep.

I was never what people truly thought
Always hiding beneath the guise.
The real me they always sought,
But I had a great disguise.

Additional Details

4 months ago
I acted like a preppy chic,
A gothic vamp,
Sometimes a country hick,
Even like a city tramp.

No one knew the real me,
It never showed through,
I guess it was hard for me,
To show myself to you.

I wanted to hide away,
Never see daylight,
Cuz my heart every day
Got blacker and blacker like night.

So sitting there in the dark,
I finally made myself known.
I was the girl, who left my mark,
But fading in the unknown.

4 months ago
**I don't really feel this way, it's just my style of poetry**


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Remember this is my opinion. And truthfully I am not a big fan of rhyming poetry. However, this poem is really good. I like the emotions. It would be better though if you tied those emotions to something that the reader wouldnt expect. Some of your rhymes seem forced (thats why I dont like rhyming poetry). I write poems that are dark like this one and prefer them to happy go lucky poems. I dont suggest you turn this in to a teacher though because truthfully they will send you to the counselor. Been there done that. I would give this poem a 7 because its got great potential and its a wonderful subject matter full of emotion, it could just use a little work like all writing does. Keep on writing these great poems.