Question:
Poem..do you like it?
"Rainbows and Butterflies"
No rainbows or butterflies;
Just dark skies, clouded in my head;
Eyes are focusless, cant see;
You seem so far from me;
Where did you go;
Where did I go wrong;
Close my eyes, you've been here all along;
I see you laying here with me;
Get lost in gorgeous eyes;
Finally, Rainbows and Butterflies.
what do you guys think? I wrote this for my wife , who is deployed to Iraq right now.
Additional Details4 months ago
to ryoku - My wife and I met while we were both in the military. I recently got out after proudly serving for 4 years. She still has a year left on her enlistment.
4 months ago
ImMe- Great comments. The "Where did I go wrong" line was a mix of guilt and self pity. Kind of like " why is this happening to me". The ending line was the realization that even though she is on the other side of the planet, I found her still here in my heart. Which is what in the beginning I was missing. So yes it was a twist in that way. Thank you for the great comments again!
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Nice imagery. I can feel the longingness for something beautiful and ideal which is somehow "unreachable" for the moment which connotes helplessness and unhappiness despite foreseen realization of a dream.
I can't get what you mean by "Where did I go wrong" which is somehow ununified from the rest of the poem. The last line "Finally, Rainbows and Butterflies" is contradictory to the lines before it. Well, that could be the twist.