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Question:

Short story/monologue/descripti... piece?

I open the front door; the cool air hits my face. As I walk to the gate the path cracks, the wild plants wither in my presence. The knife hangs loosely by my side, swinging gently as I walk.

You can??t see me but from my hiding place I can see you very clearly, getting out of your car, just as you always do at a quarter to six. Your hair is all messed up by the wind, and it??s thinning; your glory days are surely over already. Well, they will be soon.

You walk briskly with purpose. You don??t need to pretend your going somewhere important. Turn the next corner and you??ll be home, your wife will just have put your dinner in the oven. Your child will want you to read his bed-time story.

I clutch the knife tightly now as the adrenaline courses furiously through my body, and I remember why I??m doing this. The pain you caused me hasn??t left any visible scars. There are more scars than you will never know about, the ones that cut my heart clean in half, and the taunts that have left me

Additional Details

4 months ago
feeling small and inadequate all these years later.

I think of how much I hate you as I remember the thirteen year old boy who could have been something. In fact, I hate everyone. I hate the people who have done this to me; my drunkard of a mother, the father I never met, the teachers who failed to recognise my inner genius, and I hate you the most; you, the one who put me down at every hurdle. You never gave me the chance to prove myself.
I need to do this now, before you let yourself into the house and life that should rightfully be mine. Cautiously I make my way out of the bushes, being careful not to let you out of my sight.

With every silent step I get closer, until I??m sure you can feel my presence just behind you. Surely you can feel my breath tickling your neck by now; hear my heavy breathing rasping in your ear.

I reach out and let my long fingers close tightly around your elbow. Startled you turn around. It gives me great pleasure to watch the look of shock and

4 months ago
terror register on your perfect face. You don??t recognise me, even though I know everything about you. Slowly I raise the magnificent blade and watch as the colour drains from your face.

Our eyes meet. I smile.
.................................
what do you think?
i need a title
any comments/critism would be apprieciated
thank you =]


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

GReat potential and talent- have you tried a writing site?
there are some very good ones. I am a meber of one for over 3 years we read and review each others work and rate them with stars and site $ its fun and very helpful you are gary=unteed 3 reviews for each piece... I think this site is not as helpful- try it and Write On!!!
Look me up- DINY