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Question: What do you think of my book !?
Constructive Criticism Welcomed!.
This is only a ver little bit of the first chapter!. I am currently on chapter 7!.:) Please dont copy my writeing!.
This time running was easy!. It was just a short time ago that I was running sorta like this, with my sorta best friend!. But this time it was different, I was faster, and smarter!. Last time if I hadn’t jumped in that icky garbage pale they would have caught me, like they caught Felicity!.
Saying her name made my stomach turn and twist into intricate little knots that literally made me want to throw up!. But I had to keep running!. That was the story of my life wasn’t it!?
Ever since damn Maddox went on his, "I hate humans, so I’m going to kill them all” rampage, nothings been the same, even the wind is different and the Air, the air is stained with the stench of death and hatred!.
So that’s what I did, kept running, I was running so hard and thinking about not thinking about Felicity, that I didn't realize the massive man in the middle of the alley way!. Or at least he felt massive when I ran smack dab into him!.
He grabbed me and ran into the nearest door, he had his hand over my mouth so my only chance of getting away seemed pretty clear!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'll just point out all the mistakes I found!. Okay, let's see!.!.!.
"Sorta" isn't a word!.
Don't use "literally" in there, it sounds immature!.
"Nothings" = No!. "Nothing has" = Yes!.
"Running hard!." That sounds strange to me!. How about "running vigorously!?"
Smack dab!? No!. Sounds childish and immature, again!.
It needs work, Hon!. A lot of work!. It doesn't very flow well, either, to be truthful!. This is just my opinion!. Don't let me, or anyone get you down about your writing, though!. The more you write, and the more you read you will become a better writer!. I guarantee it!. Because I've been there; a long time ago I have!.
Good Luck!
-My Little Happily Ever After-
EDIT: And sorry to be the "thorn in your side" reviewer here, because the two answerers before me liked it!. But really, you asked for constructive criticism, and that is what I gave you!.
EDIT 2: And I understand that, but if you were ever to get this published or anything of the sort, they would definitely tell you to take those type of things out, no matter the age of the person telling the story!. No matter what, proper spelling and grammar is not to be overlooked under ANY circumstance!.
EDIT 3: Okay, and that's fine!. I'm just saying, because I have had experience with publishers, and so have close friends, these people are harsh!. For now, it is fine!. I am a real stickler when it comes to grammar and spelling in writing!. I don't like to read things that don't have proper spelling, punctuation, etc!. I read stories on Fictionpress!.com, and I refuse to read anything with improper spelling or grammar!.
(And all you have to do is push "edit" under your answer, and you can edit it)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Woooow! That was amazing, I absolutely loved it!. I would buy it if I saw it in the store!. The only thing is it's a bit confusing in the beginning, so maybe you should add a scene or something before that!. And there were some errors, but that's probably because you're really into the story and aren't paying too much attention!. Other than that, it was awesome!. Keep up the good work!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't think anything!. Just that it's very interestingWww@QuestionHome@Com
If you're writing just for your own enjoyment, fine!.
BUT, if you're thinking of one day being a published writer, you will need to learn the craft and hone up your writing skills!.
You don't use words like "sorta" in a novel!.
You also need to watch your spelling!. There are words in there that spell check will not catch!. For example: "pale" should be "pail"!.
I also am not sure of what this sentence means: "thinking about not thinking about Felicity"!.
There are other errors and typos in there that you will need to edit!.
It's not that bad, but just go back and re-read it!.
EDIT:
First drafts are for the writer to put down all of his/her thoughts, plots, outlines on paper!.
Then, it is edited (many times) from there!. It should NOT be for public review!.
EDIT 2:
I agree with Happily!. When a story is rife with spelling and grammatical errors, it is distracting and disrupts the flow!.
I normally would not read past the first glaring mistake and I think others feel that way, too!.
That is the reason I say do not post a first draft!. You will miss some good advice of people who would normally read through a fairly well written piece!.Www@QuestionHome@Com