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Question: What do you think of my new story!?
I wrote this story last night and i wanted to now if you like it so far!. I don't really now what it it is about yet but i hope i do soon!. Thank you
I wanted to scream!. I knew nothing would work so I stared out the window choking down my tears!. My heart pounded and my eyes burned!. In my heart I wanted to go with him!. I couldn’t take it!.
“Dad, Please!” I said threw tears!. I ran out the door the rain tangling in my hair!. I ran toward my dad’s car!.
“Annie, Stop!” my mom yelled pulling me back on my sleeve!.
“Let go of me!” I screamed at my mom!.
She tightened her grip and I pressed my head on her shirt, crying and not glancing back!. He was gone!. I couldn’t believe it!. I felt like a piece of my heart was gone!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
yeah! I love it!. Talk about !!! e!.!.m!.!.o!.!.t!.!.i!.!.!.o!.!.n!.!.a!.!.l !!! I think that is a great start for a story!.!.!.like a dream!.!.!.and she wakes up, shes about 16 years old, but is haunted of the night her dad left!. Do you like fantasy novels!? Because it would be so cool if it had something to do with magic!. Like her dad gets killed after he left her and her mum and she discovers her true identity is some sort of super being and the story is about avenging her fathers death!. But she falls in love with like her dads murder's son! Now that would be good!!! And she has to decide between love or vengeance !? Only an idea and I'm sorry I got a bit carried away!.!.!.but anyway ITS GOOD!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Honestly!? I didn't like it!. You repeat 'I' too much and there wasn't enough description!. also, it seemed a bit over dramatic!. You seem to have quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes as well!.
"I said threw tears" should be "I said through tears"!. That's one that spell check wont pick up!.
I think it could be good though if you worked on it a lot more!.
Edit: Yes, how mature!. Give me thumbs down for giving someone tips to improve their story!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
More! More! More!
Dr!. DogWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!!! i would read it!.!.the only part i dont is i new nothing would work, doesnt really make sense!.!.but it could just be me
hope i helped:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its really good!.
you should write the rest :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
its ok!. but practice makes perfectWww@QuestionHome@Com
Horribly cliched!. I've read stuff like that so many times!.
Best to go back and edit!.
"rain tangling in my hair" What!?
And it sounds like it would come from Twilight!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow, you've got style! Write the rest asap plz!. I'd love to read it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's!.!.!.Intriguing!.!.
Keep writing!.!.
But make it stand out from others!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
if I knew what it was about it would be an amazing startWww@QuestionHome@Com