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Question: I am in 6th grade and I am writing a book!. I need to see if I should continue!.!?
I will put the intro!. please tell me if it gets your attention!. If it does I will post more so please check back! This is the intro!. The actually story will be in 1st person!.

Cherry blossoms danced across the blue sky along the coast!. A young 16-year-old boy named Takuto was taking a stroll down the water and occasionally stopping to look at the sunset or chuck a rock in the water!. “The ocean is almost flat today” he muttered to himself as he watched his rock skip across the salty ocean!. The spring breeze played in his dark brown hair!. He looked up at the sky, shading his face as he looked at the sun!. It was almost twelve!. Although the beginning of spring had started barley a month ago his skin was already tanning!. His mother had died two months ago!. He remembered her last words to him and his sister, Emily!. “I am sorry to have to leave you both so soon!. But you must remember that I will always be watching you!. You both are meant for something great!. Far greater that beyond your wildest dreams!. Your father is not dead, he is gone though!.”
He grimaced at the painful memory!. Takuto slung back his arm to throw another rock, when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye!. His arm dropped to his side as he squinted to get a better look!. There was a young woman lying face down in the sand!. Takuto dropped the rock and practically flew across the sand!. He turned the girl over and she gasped as fresh air flooded into her lungs!. “Hey, are you ok!?” Takuto asked gently struggling to pick her up!. The girl nodded and locked eyes with him!. She had a long gash across her forehead and blood was oozing out on to her midnight waist length hair!. She was wearing a black jumpsuit that was torn in many places!. A single anthmest pendant hung from a sterling silver chain!. “Luke!.” She moaned, her grey eyes rolled back in her head as she fainted!. Takuto stifled a gasp!. He tore off one of his sleeves and used it as a temporary bandage across her head!.
He ran back to his village carrying the young woman in his arms!. “Help!” he cried out!. “Help! Someone has been injured! Help!” he rushed up to the town clinic and pounded on the door!. “ALEX!!!! OPEN UP!!!! ALEX!!!” Takuto hollered as he pounded on the door with his fist!. Curious people peeked out of their houses to see what the commotion was about!. “Help!” Takuto continued to cry out!. Alex, the village doctor, opened the door!. “What is it now tak-” he stopped short!. “Who’s this!?” he asked as he rushed Takuto inside!. “I don’t know! I found her lying on the beach!” Takuto gasped!. “all right, all right!. Don’t panic!. Now let’s set her down here!.” Alex responded as they gently set her on a bed!. “Lets see what we have here” he muttered as he gently checked for broken bones!. After a few minutes he stood up, brushing his hair from his face!. and declared “Nothing’s broken but she has quite a few cuts!.” Takuto sighed in relief!. “I’ll help,” he offered!. “Alright then hand me those bandages over there!.” Alex responded!.
After they cleaned up the young woman Takuto sat near by and waited for the girl to awaken!. After a few hours her eyes finally fluttered open!. Takuto walked over!. “Hey!. Remember me!?” he asked!. She nodded!. “You saved me,” she said in a honey sweet voice “Who are you!?” she asked cocking her head!. “Takuto, now what might your name be!?” he responded as he got his first good look into her eyes!. They where a startling shade of grey!. “I am Kyra!.” She responded!. “Kyra” he echoed “hmm!.” Kyra fiddled with hair for a moment!. “So what happened to you!? When I found you, you where pretty beaten up!. And I don’t mean to pry but who is Luke!?” Takuto asked!. Kyra paused!. “I-I-I don’t know!.” She responded, her voice quivering “l-l-last thing I saw was a flash of b-b-blue light!.” Takuto thought for a moment!. “Well do you have any family!?” he asked!. “I don’t know!.” She responded!. “You don’t remember anything!?” he asked, shocked!. “No” she responded, her eyes brimmed with tears “I don’t know"Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow that is pretty good for a sixth grade story! It is a pretty hooking intro!

I am going to be very critical to make it the best as possible! Please don't be offended if i be so mean!

Tip 1- Describe the setting more! Is Takuto in Japan!? Describe the mountains! Describe the rocky coast line!

Tip 2- Well, its more of a correction!. You seem to be using some good vocabulary, but some of the verb choices are kind of confusing!. Like "he slung his arm back" !.!.!.slung infers forward movement, you can not "sling" something back!. In this case, a better word would be something like "drew" (as in drawing a bowstring)

Tip 3 - Actually, you story sounds more like it has a serious tone, but if you can, try to put some humor in it! People wil L-I-S-T-E-N to you if you put some humor in it!. There is no better way to hook your audience!. But don't over do it so much that it becomes dry!. Sarcasm works great!.

Tip 4 - Actually, this doesn't have to do with the intro!. Your story sounds like it might have some action in it!. If it does, think micro action!. Spam 2 seconds into a whole paragraph, be very descriptive, use sound, color, and action!. Of course, don't spam ALL of the time segments, just the important parts!. Like perhaps Takuto has been struck!. As he is flying back, what does he see!? Cement sidewalk sections passing under neath him!? What does he hear!? Kyra's anguished scream!? And most importantly, what does he think!? When you read the section, you should be able to visualize Takuto flying back, like in the movies when there is slow motion and that whoosh sound effect!. Appeal to all five senses! English teachers love this!

Tip 5 - Have a message, but make the reader think!. Don't blurt out "The theme is undying love and loyalty" Make your theme subtle, but noticeable!. This is for me the hardest thing to incorperate into my essay!.

Tip 6 - Have your teachers ever showed you a "Great Example Essay!?" You should know how a good essay sounds, so make your essay like it! Don't be afraid to copy some great writers techniques!.

Tip 7 - USE FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE!!!!!
I cannot stress this enough!. You know what a metaphor is right!? You used personification when you said that the cherry blossoms "danced" so thumbs up! I know teachers might tell you that Metaphors are better than similes, but really, they're not!. Similies give the same effect, only they are very much easier to come up with!. Example: "They were a startling shade of grey"
can easily turn into "They were piercing grey, like storm clouds ready to hurl down lightning upon the earth" (This example is assuming that Kyra is a fighter/warrior!. If she is not intense, don't use intense similies!) also, have you read any books in previously in this class Use an allusion, and refer to that book! Teachers can NOT get enough of this! This can be very difficult for some books and easy for others!. Some more gems you can stick into your essay are Irony, Symbolism, and Foreshadowing!.


Ok, that is all of the tips i can think of!. And i have just realized that these are some pretty advanced subjects for a sixth grader! (no offense) If you don't like these tips, then by all means, don't use them! Writing should be your own style, not someone elses, If you do like these tips, don't let them control you! If you don't like what you're writing, don't write it! And don't be afraid to turn in a huge essay! I derived these tips from my essay that got a grade of 7 out of 6, and it was 8 pages long! And the event that i wrote about was only 5 minutes! (MICROACTION)

Good luck with your essay! Hope you get a great score!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it , keep going in this direction!.
nothing should ever hold you back from doing something that you really love !

good luck sunshine !.Www@QuestionHome@Com

oh, wow that was very interesting keep it up :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Definitely don't write it with the hope of getting it published, but why not write it for yourself!?
Writing is a great pastime, and the more you do the better you will get!. If you keep it up, then someday you might write really well, and make a career out of it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very good!.=) But if it was in the day time don't you think people would crowd around to see what was going on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

write more stories, practice finishing them-- i still see some undeveloped writing skills here, so don't think it will be published right away!.

keep writing! it's good!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I didn't even read your story - I'm answering your question "Should I continue to write!?"

It is impossible to discourage the real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write!. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depth of your heart; confess to yourself you would have to die if you were forbidden to write!. Sit down, and put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer!. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I liked it!.!.!.!.!. that was actually very good! Better than attempts I've critiqued from college age writers!. You have a knack for words!.

A few suggestions if you don't mind!. Where is this!? By telling the readers where your characters are from you help them gain insight into the setting and its easier to picture!. Unless of course this is a made up place!. From the names and references to cherry blossoms and the ocean I wanna guess Japan!.!.!.

also, I would recomen changing his mothers last words a bit!. About the father!. Surely he already know his father is gone so she doesn't need to say that!. So leave that out and just have Takura think that in his head!.!.!.!. Or have her say something like "I know I've always told you your father was dead!.!.!.!.but he's not!.!.!.!.he left me shortly after you were born and I never had the heart to tell you!." Just something to clarify what she meant!.

But yes you should definately continue writing! Always continue writing!. You will only get better and you have plenty of time to get even better, your young! Great job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it Keep going!. This is the kind of book i would love to buy and read over and over againWww@QuestionHome@Com

i am also an aspiring author and am amazed at how good you are for a 6th grader, I hope to see you continue!. my only advice i would give is to re-read the intro and add a few words to make it flo a little smoother!. but you did outstanding, and I defiantly think you should think should find and talk to publisher, and get a college degree in writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com