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Question: How is this for the 1st paragraph to my story!.!.!.!?
I see things, you don’t see!. I hear things you can’t hear!. I live a life full of things you wouldn’t imagine!. It’s like I am living my worst nightmares!. Something you can’t comprehend!. Something beyond your own worst nightmares, and haunting thoughts!. My “gift” is ruining my life! My parents hate me because I can talk to spirits!. It’s not like I want to communicate with them! If I had a choice, believe me, I wouldn’t communicate with them!. I don’t have a choice!. They come to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
the idea is good!. But if this is your opening paragraph, you need to re-order it so that you make a bigger first impact on your reader!. Generally, it would be a good idea to make your first sentence with the idea that that's the one thing that'll make people keep reading the rest of the story!.
Your first sentence isn't very catchy!. You need initial suspense!. This paragraph sounds like it should be the second paragraph!. In my opinion, your opening sentence should be the one you used in the middle!. -- "My "gift" is ruining my life" 'but change the exclamation to a period!. And it should be spaced as it's own paragraph!. That would really grasp your readers' attentions and make them want to know more!. And also, don't give everything away in your first paragraph!. Make your readers keep reading to know what's going on -- spacing your information throughout the beginning of the story will make it seem more suspenseful and interesting :D!.!.!.overall, the idea is good!. Just work on a way to make it seem more catchy!. :DWww@QuestionHome@Com

Your character separates herself from the reader by being a condescending self righteous braying arrogant emo jerk!. Honestly if I was a spirit and she could talk to me, I would say no thanks and try and find that Haley Joel Osmend kid!.

also the Gift references seems a bit to much like Spiderman only he complained in a self exploratory narrative he didn't criticize the audience for not understanding him!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You're cramming so much into one itty-bitty paragraph!. Don't tell us! Show us! The first three sentences can be your first little paragraph, and then actually start the story!. Not just telling us!. Just launch in, and we'll find out all of the stuff!.
But good plotline!. Keep going!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its really good (: Has got me interested!.
I think that you shouldn't mention that you are talking about spirits!. Keep this peice of information for awhile and people will want to keep reading!. They'll want to know what your talking about!.

:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!. Sounds interesting and I think you should keep writing it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's too choppy and although it's a good idea, i've read a book about the same topic already!. sorryWww@QuestionHome@Com

Honestly, you take to long to say very little!.Www@QuestionHome@Com