Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Can you rate the 1st page of my short story please, 1-10?


Question: Can you rate the 1st page of my short story please, 1-10!?
My name is…Well you can just call me Lucky, everyone else does, plus my real name is hard enough for me to pronounce let alone teach someone else to!. But anyway, that’s irrelevant!. While technically my story started the day I was born, let us skip through all the boring **** to when I was seventeen!. I had grown into quite the charming young lad if I don’t say so myself, blue eyes, brown hair and more Irish luck than a lotto millionaire, hence the nickname!. Funny thing about Irish luck, its either one extreme or the other, and mine was about to change!. After catching me attempting to steal a car, my father, and the much decorated police chef of our small Catholic community near Dublin gave me a choice, go to jail or enlist in the military!. Having long suffered a rather relentless fear of small spaces and big hairy men with names like Jake the mud cake maker or bone crusher Bob, I chose the military!. However after three months I was kicked out for assaulting an officer who had persisted to single me out since the moment I stepped off the bus by beating me with a piece of polyurethane pipe in front of all the boys every chance he got!. He was having a laugh if he thought I wasn’t going to defend my honour!. Anyway, they promoted him for showing bravery in the face of insubordination and sentenced me to five years in a place worse than hell, military prison!. While this paradoxical situation amuses me now, I assure you at the time, it didn’t!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
about an 8!.5 great start!. really funny, great sarcastic humor, keep up the great work, and if i can read the rest of it tell me where, it sound like its shaping up to be really good (and its not even the sort of style i like most)Www@QuestionHome@Com

ok well at the end you need to make the people be all like WOW! and be all creepy and want to know more of what happens but yeah i guess i will give out of all of my opinion i would say 5 1/2!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'd give it a 7 it needs something more to it tho, more catchy to hook the reader, to make them want more!. Its good tho love to see how it ends!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The beginning is aaa 6 and
the rest is a 9!.3 it makes you want to read on whats gonna happen !.




e-mail me the story when your done please want 2 see what happens 2 LuckyWww@QuestionHome@Com

its good i would like to see where it goes probably give it a 10 for starters but i would need to see where it goes to make sure of that lol keep up the good work =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

meh!.!.!.i'd give it about a 6!.!.!.!.its and interesting beginning but there should be more of a hook near the end to pull the readers inWww@QuestionHome@Com

i'd give it a 7!.5/10 :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

go to jail or enlist in the military!? didnt they do that in like ww1!?
sorry not my type of story
well ritten tho
7Www@QuestionHome@Com

its about a 7 for me!. in the begining, when talking about how his name is too hard, its not irrelevant, it's important to know thats why you are calling him Lucky!. and when you say to skip all the boring **** just say

skip all of the boring parts of my life

or

skip all of the boring parts of my childhood (then say something about skipping to when he was 17!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com

You seem to be adding "lesson plan historical bullet points" into your otherwise interesting story!. If it's for high school it's good!.!.!.but if you're writing a story about an IRA man or something!.!.!.delicate insinuations are much more interesting than bluntly stating "I'm catholic, I'm near dublin!.!.!.duh I'm an Irish catholic dood forced into a life of blah terroism for which i'll be punished etc!.!.!.but I'm rebellious and annoying to my own cause at the same time and everyone hates me"!.

Again!.!.!.if it's for high school!.!.!.don't work to hard, and insert "Pog mo hoin" somewhere where the hero tells off someone who is annoying to him (it means "kiss my ***" in Gaelic!.!.!.and is sure to impress any english teacher curious enough to google it)!.!.!.

Really good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com