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Question: Please may I have your opinion on this short story !.!?
I stared at the empty glass impatiently, it had the nerve to stare right back!. I could see the other side of the room through its walls, though everything was magnified and rather blurry!. I twisted the thing this way, and that!. It wasn't ready to give up it's unfailing glare!. A sigh from behind me, made me spin around!. I was meant to be home alone!. What met my shock was a man, tall and dress in a black suit, with a grin that made me shiver and eyes, as black as the hatred that radiated from every side of him!. “Hello Ellie,” he whispered huskily!. I was frozen in fear!. I had just stopped checking behind my door every night and now he was here!. My own personal nightmare had found me!. “You don't look happy to see me Ellie,” he grinned, and that grin was sickening, “I sure am please to see you!.” From behind his back he drew his knife, the knife that had cut me a hundred times before!. “You can scream now Ellie!.” The glass fell to the ground!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Really like your style of writing- great descriptions!. You haven't rushed the text, but you also haven't dwindled too long on one subject (such as the glass which had the potential to bore the reader, but moved on and therefore kept the story interesting!.) Although you said you haven't fixed your grammer, something that you should try to avoid is using the word "thing" -"I twisted the thing this way", it sounds sloppy and you would be surprised how much better your text will sound just by fixing sentences to erase the word "thing"!. Good luck with the endingWww@QuestionHome@Com
A little too many commas but I love the first line "it had the nerve to stare right back!."
You're great with description and have a nice, quiet sort of humor!. The ending was very sick and I want to read more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No frozen turkeys!. wtf!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ooh, I like it! There's some good description and building up of suspense!. Keep writing, you'll be successful!Www@QuestionHome@Com
yeahh I LIKE IT!! it's unique!. Very good description, if you continue this story it might get somewhere!. I would sure love to hear the rest of it!. Good work(YY)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I sure wish you had cleaned your grammar up more before posting it on here!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
write a book! :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com
"I stared at the empty glass impatiently, it had the nerve to stare right back!."
What a concept! It caught my attention straight away!. :-) Made me laugh!. Then you went on and drew us into a labyrinth of intigue!.!.!.
Unfortunately, it sounds like it's going somewhere that I would never read!. Horror is NOT something I cope well with - I end up with nightmares!.!.!. so I guess I might not find out how it ends!.!.!.!. :-(
But I like the style!. :-)
Just one technical note - you have a couple of grammar errors that you'll probably find if you put it in a grammar checker but it might not point out that you've got:
"What met my shock was a man"
I assume you mean shocked gaze or something similar!.Www@QuestionHome@Com