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Question: What do you think of this 'story' so far!?
So!.!.!.I was watching Private Practice on TV tonight, and an idea for a story hit me!. Ha!. Anyway, this is what I have so far!. What do you think of it!? Ignore any spelling/grammical errors you might come across!. I just skimmed through it, and I think I've gotten all the wrinkles out!. =]

Do you know how hard it is keeping a piece of yourself from everyone!? Especially a piece that you hate!? Something that only you know, a secret that only you possess, a secret that you must carefully hide from everyone around you, for the fate of those innocent people and yourself!. A secret that destroys you, and breaks you down until you are nothing more than that fallen, rotten apple on the ground of an orchard!. It tears you, in half, again, and again, and again!. The shear agony that the secret inflicts on you is unendurable!.
I have a secret!. I did not choose this, nor did I plan this or want this!. It is something that I have to live with!. I have not met nor heard of anyone like me!. I’m not even sure that there is another person on the face of the earth that is like me!. It’s all very perplexing!. I don’t understand how someone like me came, or even could come to be!.
At age six, I was adopted by my adoptive parents, Samuel and Martha Covington!. This is the reason that my past is so equivocal!. No one knows where I came from!. No one knows who I descended from!. I am a mystery that no one can unravel or decode!. “It’s like she came out of thin air,” one doctor told Samuel on one occasion!. “The kid doesn’t seem to have parents, grandparents, any ancestors of any sort,” another said!. I am more different than anyone expects, though!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Omg! I want to keep reading! Please write more!. Ill beg you too!. That caught my intrest soon as I read the first few sentences! You are a very good writer ^^



If you finish anymore, or finish the whole thing, send it to me pleaseee!. bmdcoby@yahoo!.com
Ive been looking for some new material to read anyways ^^, and I cant go to the library for a few weeksWww@QuestionHome@Com

I think in the first paragraph, there needs to be fewer descriptions about the secret!. Less is more! also, try and space out the facts about this character, let them be a mystery for a while to the reader!. Do the fact dropping here and there throughout the story!.
Otherwise, I think you've got a good story going here!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It has potential!.
what genre is it!? Mystery!?
i find the rotting apple and orchard metaphor a little odd though!.
but keep at it could be a good bookWww@QuestionHome@Com

yep!.!.!.!.it seems pretty good!! a very intriguing first 2 paragraphs !.!.!.keep continuing with itWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's pretty good!.
It really grabs your attention&right off the bat your dieing to know the secret!.
Keep going it's great!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Oh wow!!
I love it!. I wanna read more when you're done kay!?!?
e-mail or send me the full story because that seems to be interesting already in the beginning!.
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Wow! Thats a great story! If its for your project then u would defintely get an A!Www@QuestionHome@Com

where!? what!? why!? how!? i don't know!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

good it seems like she has a curse!.!.!. heard of this begnning before!.!.and i like how u used good verbs and strong discriptions!.

what is the genra for this!?

remember put conficts in the beginning!. that will be revealed later so in the end u'll have a better and exciting ending!.

it's amazing how authors make conflicts in the fist book and they publish the books then make the book exciting in the 2nd when they can't fix the 1st book and just mke the book better!.

do you get it!? nvm!.!.!.!.

i don't like how u start with a question!.

start with "something"

Something that only you know, a secret that only you possess, a secret that you must carefully hide from everyone around you, for the fate of those innocent people and yourself!. A secret that destroys you, and breaks you down until you are nothing more than that fallen, rotten apple on the ground of an orchard!. It tears you, in half, again, and again, and again!. The shear agony that the secret inflicts on you is unendurable!.

it sounds better!.!.!. makes it more mysterious!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This has some potential, but it would be better if you could make it less colloquial!. Right now, it is too ordinary and amateurish, style-wise!.

Judging from your name and picture, this also has the potential to turn into another Twilight-esqe action romance, from the vampire's point of view!. If not, that is great, but if you are seriously considering writing a vampire love story, please reconsider!. Www@QuestionHome@Com