Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Read my story and comment... please?


Question: Read my story and comment!.!.!. please!?
I have more chapters before and after but I don't want to post a lot of the story!. Please comment!. Thanks

The Diary

Mother was indeed right about Charles!. He is a most dashing fellow!. He was in the church as a pastor and knew all about poetry and he even knew his way through the garden!. But there was something strange about him I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was there in his pale figures, strong physique and piercing black eyes!. He invited me for a walk along the hill and I have to say I was happy to oblige!. As we walked downhill I stared at him intently but once his face turned I lowered my head!. It was something about his eyes, his deep endless black eyes!.
“Pardon my intrusion, but what is that you are reading!?” He asked but I didn’t answer, my mouth was suddenly dry!. “Shakespeare’s Sonnets, per chance!?” Feeling his gaze I couldn’t do anything but nod!. “Oh!. I haven’t gotten to read it yet!. Which is your favorite!?” I finished studying the seams of my dress and went back to his eyes, but not for long!.
“Othello is my favorite!.” I answered and went back to my dress; I could feel my mother prying over me, excitement twinkling in her eyes!.
“I would have thought Romeo and Juliet would be one of your favorites”!. It wasn’t a question, it was almost an accusation!.
“On the contrary it’s is my least favorite!. Their death was foolish and their love didn’t seem true, almost obsessive!.” I looked up at the sun and sighed in deep!. “What is love when one is so young and foolish!?”
“Everything in the world, I know it is!. When you are young you haven’t any worries; life is as pleasant as a waltz, like walking around in circles, looking at the sun, staring into the moonlight, each passing day just as pleasant as the last, don’t you think!?”
“I beg to differ, Mr!. Rivera!. But life isn’t pleasant as you make it seem!. There are wars about, people that die for the strangest of sicknesses and small boys that cry because they lost their Papa and Mama, it’s just so sad!. I don’t know how people go on with their lives pretending things like these aren’t happening!. It just breaks my heart!.” I stared over the horizon pondering over my words!.
“But its not your fault people die, it’s a natural way of life and sickness are nothing more than mental if you ask me and if that poor little boy lost his family you can trust me he is not alone, he has a grandma or an uncle that’ll look after him!. Miss Elinor, you cannot look after the entire world or else you’ll miss out on your own experiences!.” He looked at me briefly and then looked away!. He asked me something I never thought to hear from a stranger!. “When was the last time a beau kissed you!?”
I was caught off guard, I never expected for this question to come upon our conversation!. “I…I…I only kiss when it is for love!.”
“So you mean to say you never kissed any of your beau’s!?” We had come to a halt!. I stayed silent; this stranger was making me more nervous by the second!. “Ah!. I guess that is as firm as a no can be!. Your kind is always hard headed!.” He walked onward on a slow pace, I stood frozen in place!.
“My kind!?” My voice was shrill with surprise!. “You have met many of my kind!?” I suddenly had my hands on my hips!.
He turned to face me and walked toward where I stood!. “Oh yes, by the dozens, always the same!. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least the whole dozen would have ended up as spinsters!.” He was smiling; what a dreadful cad!.
“Would have!?” I asked!. I sensed a turn in the conversation!.
“I intervened just in time, to save them from such a horror!. Such pretty girls, as spinsters!? Honestly”
“You seem to boast upon it!.”
“Indeed!. But who am I to stand and see fate destroy such pretty girls it just isn’t fair!. I did a favor, nay; I acted as a gentleman should have!.” He ended his speech with great reverence; I hadn’t noticed that we were at the bottom at the hill and that my family was nowhere near to be visible!. What happened next was the last thing I expected!. He grabbed my waist with one hand and secured my face with the other and he kissed me!. He was tender and sweet and the scent of his breath made my knees tremble!. But it ended sooner than I would have liked!. He chuckled and whispered in my ear “You are too pretty to be a spinster, Miss Elinor!.”
Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I really did enjoy that, it was very well written!.

"But its not your fault people die, it’s a natural way of life and sickness are nothing more!.!.!."

I understand what you mean, but it doesn't make sense grammatical (a natural way of life and sickness are)!. Just might want to touch that up!.

I loved the beginning, you did a phenomenal job of drawing the reader into the story!. The middle was a little drawn out for my taste, but it was still nicely written!. I loved the ending, very nice way to close the story (chapter!?)!. You have an excellent vocabulary and use great imagery, I can see the man now with his black eyes!.

Overall, you are a very mature writer!. Keep up the good work!Www@QuestionHome@Com

awesome story i like the last part(:Www@QuestionHome@Com

no one has time sorry mis dehfwufhwifduhewruggwvuifgrfiuwuegffuwer!.!.!.





how ya like dem apples!?Www@QuestionHome@Com