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Question: Any suggestions on how to make this short paragraph better!? HELP! any stuff i could add or take out!?

Hay! heres a part of my narrative essay about a love note my bff gave me in 6th grade and it was fake and stuff!. Any stuff i could do to make it better!. I need more imagery and stuff!. Please help!

As I thought about my situation, I saw eager kids everywhere, ready to go to lunch, almost like a heard of cows seeking water!. I heard paper bags wrinkling and stomachs growling!. Smelling peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made my mouth dry!. Katie looked back at me as she was walking away, giving me a you-have-no-idea-what’s-up-next smirk, and walked away giggling with a couple of other friends!. I could tell something was wrong and I felt very suspicions about it!.

also whats a transsition i could use!? Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

As I thought about my situation, hordes of kids marched past like geese at feeding time, all headed for the canteen!. I listened to the rustling of paper bags and the opening of lunch boxes, my mouth dry from the smell of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!. I spotted Katie looking back as she walked away, giving me a 'you-have-no-idea-what’s-up-next' smirk!. Looking back a second time she let out an evil giggle to Eve and Anna!. I knew something was up and it wasn't good!. I felt uneasy!. A chill ran through me!. I needed to eat - maybe that would help me sort out my head!.

When you say transition do you mean what could happen next!? I guess that would be up to you and your imagination, but from ths point you need to explain what the situation is that she mentions at the start!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com

You could add 'idly' after thought!.
The 1st sentence is a run-on and doesn't flow well!.
As I thought idly about my situation, I saw kids everywhere, eagerly anticipating the lunch hour!.
The line about cows really isn't very good, cows are never excited about anything!. Try using a more exciting example!
I felt my mouth water as I took in the scent of the cafeterias peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!.
As she was walking away Katie looked back at me, a taunting expression spread across her face!.
Suspicion welled up inside of me as I wondered what she knew that I didn't!.
Sorry to deconstruct your whole paragraph, remember, these are only suggestions, what you wrote is really fine!
* what do you mean by transition!?Www@QuestionHome@Com