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Question: I need input on something I wrote!?
Constructive Criticism Welcome!

Ding-a-Ding! Ding-a-Ding! Ding-a-Dig!!. Taylor Morin's eyes snap open, leaving their owner to groan at the prospect of waking up!. He shut off his alarm clock!. It was six in the morning!.

In the background he could hear his mother's voice calling up the stairs!. Reluctantly, he got out of bed and walked slowly toward his bedroom door!. He gathered up his remaining strength, yelled down the stairs - "I'm COMING!" - an slammed the door shut!.

He trudged into his bathroom and stared fixedly into the mirror!. A skinny, twelve-year old boy glared back at him, his blazing green eyes tired under his dark brown hair!.

Sighing, his reflection brushed its teeth, combed its hair, got dressed, and went down for breakfast!.

By the time he got downstairs, his usual bowl of cornflakes was waiting for him on the kitchen table!. He gobbled it down and went to sit in his favourite armchair right in front of the livingroom window!. He looked out at his snow covered driveway!.

From here, he had a clear view of Penryn Road!. There were no forks in the road leading to his house, so he could see anyone coming from a block away!.

He brushed his hair out of his eyes!. His mom kept nagging him about getting his hair cut!. And truth be told, it was starting to annoy him, too!. The way it kept getting in his eyes when he tried to think!.!.!.

The reason he got up early on a Summer Vacation Saturday was because his best friend was coming!. They had been best friends since grade five, when Taylor moved to New York City in 2002!. Now they were in the summer before grade seven, and at the moment, waiting anxiously for the time they would be exploring Dark Mouth Woods!.

The woods were right behind Taylor's house!. The name origionated from a well known legend about a dragon deep inside the forest, who lived in a cave surrounded by goblins!. That, with of course all the excitement of being alone in a predictively "dangerous" forest with no one but your best friend!.!.!. was the reason for this whole expedition!.

--------------------------------------!.!.!.

That's how far I got!.
This is a children's book, and any ideas for publishers!? Thanks!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The first sentence you wrote in the present tense, then switched to past tense immediately afterward, so you should change the original sentence to past tense!. You also wrote that Taylor was looking out onto the snow-covered driveway and then that he had risen early on his summer vacation; unless you live in the southern hemisphere, there would not be snow in the summer! Taylor seems to live in New York City, so then, of course, he doesn't live in the southern hemisphere, thus, no snow in June, July, and August! One thing you can do to improve your writing is make more complex sentences; for instance, you could write: !.!.!.walked toward his bedroom door, gathering his remaining strength!.!.!. You spelled favorite as favourite, so I'm wondering whether you are English or Australian (!?)!. Anyway, you need to proofread what you've written as there are a few mistakes which require correction!. But, not to be too critical, I'd like to say that your premise sounds intriguing!. If you have an outline and know where you intend to take your story, I suggest that you continue creating it!. You haven't written enough for me to know whether it would hold my interest over its entirety; I would like to read more of the story, however!. Good luck! Www@QuestionHome@Com
For the children's sake, present a good example of construction!. Keep practicing and you will surely improve with experience!. The story could be interesting!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's very random and has poor grammar!. I suggest you go back and edit it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


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