Will you please, please read my (rather) short story and give me an honest revie

Question: Will you please, please read my (rather) short story and give me an honest review!?

Hi!. I am in the process of writing a trilogy!. Will you please read the first part (the links to parts 2 and 3 is at the bottom) and give me an honest review!?

It is very short (1,500 words each)!.

http://www!.writing!.com/main/view_item/it!.!.!.

The story gets better towards the end of the series!.

Thank you!. =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

i read all three pieces, and now that i finished the story, i realized it was very unique!. i thought at first that it would be too much like a movie i saw called if only, but it turned out totally different!. the pieces are all amazing, and i liked how u weaved everything together!.

i have no idea what your age is!. but if i had to guess, i would have to say late teens, but again, i am really really bad at guessing ages!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Okay, here it is:

Your prose is stilted, and you don't follow the old adage "show, don't tell!." Basically, most of your sentences are structured the same way: short and direct and jerky!. Try a little embellishment; it'll go a long way!. In addition, your characters seem to have no personality!.

Ah constructive criticism; painful, it is!.

Um!. I have no idea of your age!. At least 13, less than 100!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

well im way to lazy to read the second part,
but the first part was pretty amazing
=)Www@QuestionHome@Com