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Question: Can anyone help me find ideas for my story!?
Its about a guy and i want to know what would be a guy character thing to do!.!.Please read if you can! This is the introduction!.

He swept his curly hair to the side , yet still loose strands fell over his eye!. His intense black yes looking through the window gazed upon a world only he could see!. Stroking his chin with a nail-bitten finger he thinks over the situation!. Kyori’s at her grandmother’s house, and I’m stuck here!. The air so crisp and fresh , it stung his nostrils making him pinch his nose as if it could somehow block the sensation!.

Outside, small brown sparrows chirped their endless chatter, the wind carrying their voices away!. Slipping in deep reverie, he imagines Kyori!. Kyori with her sharp eyes, the color of caramel drops and slick shiny hair, so smooth that the elastic she used for her hair would slip if not wrapped to the tightest degree!. With a gentle smile, he heaved a sigh!. Wiping the handle of the oven and the counters with a damp dishrag, He wiped those tables until there was a glare when the sun reflected its light upon it!. He could hear the light snoring coming from his mothers bedroom!.

Trevor’s mother was a feeble woman who slept during the long hours of the day and went to work at night!. She was a detective and worked at the Toronto Police Department!. He didn’t know much about her work because he chose not to delve into it too much!. It wasn’t like he hadn’t any interest in it, he just hated it when he saw his mother on the phone and over those papers with the small print and photographs of criminals!.
He peeked into her bedroom and gave the room a good look!. Judging by the large stack of papers she had piled on her desk, she had a lot of work to do!. She also had her clothes askew and her leather bag hung on the doorknob of her closet!. Yup, long day!. His mother, usually like a!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'll try to be positive, but I found myself quickly becoming bored w/ so much description in the beginning!. First of all, curly hair usually doesn't fall into one's face--make it wavy or if you want curly, have it tickle the nape of his neck or his ears!. Cut the sentence about only he could see to something like "he looked inward to a private world!." Too much description about the finger--I found myself being grossed out--yewww! What situation!? Either give clues or leave out!. Who is Kyori!? That & the next sentence is out of juxtaposition w/ the rest of the paragraph!. Delete or move!.

If the sparrows are outside, how does the cold make him pinch his nostrils!? Don't have the girl's hair bound--delete & say something to the effect that nothing could tame the wildness of her hair!. Say, "He smiled while sighing, something he'd been doing on a regular [edit: or frequent] basis!. Wiping!.!.!.is an incomplete sentence!. Don't drag out his chores!. Say he cleaned the kitchen in his nightly routine!.

If his Mom is a detective, she'd hardly be feeble or crime would be rampant! Combine the rest of the paragraph into one sentence!. Does she work @ home or @ the station!? Why bring work home!? Are her clothes askew because she fell asleep in them!? Explanation needed!. What's the importance of the leather bag!? I hope you don't mean holster because that would be supreme incompetence!.

I keep coming back to the thought they're Eskimos even though you mention Toronto!. Choose a less exotic name for the girl or slip in the meaning & its significance to her!.

Not a bad beginning, but you're rushing to get everything in!. Slow down & concentrate on one character @ a time!. For instace, it's good you said the mom works night, but it doesn't say why he's home!. Try dawn had exploded & Trevor was cleaning up the remains of the morning meal he shared w/ his mother!. Keep working @ it--but do some major editing first!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com